My Science School

      Many ten- to thirteen-year-olds spend considerable time on their own every day. While twelve- and thirteen-year-olds may be mature enough to stay alone, ten- and eleven-year-olds are too young to be by themselves regularly or for long periods. Some local governments, through their social service agencies, set recommended limits on the amount of time kids these ages can be left unsupervised.

      Nevertheless, many parents feel they have no choice but to leave their children alone. Parents are working, there are few sitters available, after-school care for this age group is hard to find, and alternatives are too expensive. Parents either convince themselves that their child will be all right, or they go off to work each day feeling guilty and worried.

      Few kids, even thirteen-year-olds, would choose to stay alone regularly. They’d rather be greeted after school and have the comfort of an adult or teenage sibling nearby. A child left on his own can become bored, lonely, or scared. He may hear strange noises or worry about frightening events he’s seen on the news. Even his parents’ warnings can be alarming: “Don’t go outside.” “Don’t answer the door.” “Never tell a caller I’m not home.”

      One child told her mother, “I hate being alone, but there’s nothing I can do about it so I never complain.” Many kids don’t speak up. They feel they have no control over the situation and fear upsetting their parents. A child may sense that his parents don’t want to know what he really thinks.

      Many parents never ask their child what it’s like to stay alone every day. They avoid discussion rather than risk hearing something that would make them feels guilty. When he does voice opposition to staying by himself, his parents may say he’s selfish or silly: “We do a lot for you. The least you can do is take care of yourself after school.” Some parents rationalize: “It’s a good time to get homework done.” “You like to watch TV.” “You can get your chores out of the way.”

      It’s best not to leave your child home regularly, but if you do, minimize his time alone. Arrange for him to go home with a friend. See if a neighbor or a high school student can help out, if only to check on him for a few minutes each day. Find out about organized afternoon activities and transportation home, such as a late school bus or a carpool. A classmate’s parent may be willing to drive your child in exchange for a service you can provide, such as weekend baby-sitting. See if he can stay after school to help his teacher, work in the library, or volunteer in the school office.

     Consider letting him invite a friend over as long as both kids are mature and responsible, and the parents of the other child know you won’t be home. However, if you have many doubt (“What if they do something unsafe?” “They might get silly or destructive”) wait until your child is older. Too often, kids these ages do what they want, assuming their parents won’t find out: “We can go skateboarding for a while.” “Let’s make some macaroni.”

      If you don’t arrange supervision or companionship for your child, you still can provide home activities such as art projects, magazines and books, music, and puzzles. Leave a snack and a friendly note. Call shortly after you expect him home and give him time on the phone to tell you about his day in school. Let him know he can call you or a relative or friend if he wants to talk or has a problem. Keep a list of his friends’ phone numbers with you so you can call if you have to. You may be tempted to keep him busy with chores, but after a day of classwork, he may resent this. He needs a chance to relax and pursue his interests.

      Even if you continue to have him stay alone, keep the lines of communication open. Listen to his thoughts about staying by himself and avoid lecturing. If you say, “I have to go to work to pay for the things you need,” he may stop sharing his feelings and instead feel guilty about being a burden. Let him express himself openly. Simply talking about being home alone may help both of you feel less stressed about the situation.

Picture Credit : Google