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Young children spend so much time running, climbing, and jumping that minor injuries are inevitable. Sometimes a child is so absorbed in play that she ignores her scrapes and goes right back to her game, perhaps after yelling, “You bumped me, you stupid chair.” At other times, especially when she’s tired, she may cry for a long time after a fall.

A child’s reaction to an injury often depends on who’s around her. Since she feels most comfortable expressing her feelings to her parents, she might cry or complain more about a fall when they’re with her. Many parents have seen their child fall, get up looking unhurt, and then start crying as soon as she sees them. A child cries like this because she wants to be comforted. If her parents are not close by, she may comfort herself or seek help from another child or adult. Adults react the same way to their own injuries: when an adult bumps into something at home where he’s comfortable, he’ll express his pain, but if he hurts himself away from home, he’s likely to hide his discomfort.

The way a child reacts to a fall also depends on her age. A very young child is much more likely than a four- or five-year-old to cry after a minor injury. One five-year-old told her friend, “Just don’t think about your cut and it won’t hurt anymore.”

Many children want Band-Aids for every scrape and bruise. Band-Aids seem magical to a young child because she believes that once small cuts are covered up, they’re gone. Parents can make Band-Aids easily accessible and should let their child wear one whenever she thinks she needs it, even if she just wants to cover an old scab she’s rediscovered-the comfort is worth the small expense.

Just as children react in different ways to injuries, so do parents. Some minimize their child’s pain and say, “You’re OK. Stop crying.” Others offer to rub or kiss the sore spot. Certainly children need comfort when they’re upset after a fall, and they need to know their parents understand: “Yes, I know it really hurts when you scrape your knee.” But children get hurt so frequently that it can be hard for parents constantly to comfort and reassure. Yet, some young children seem to need attention for each new cut, bump, or bruise.

Parents should try not to overreact to their child’s injuries. Some parents, who usually realize they’re overreacting but have trouble con-trolling their impulses, rush to their child after a fall, anxiously asking, “Are you all right?” When a child sees her parents looking so concerned, she may start to cry simply because she thinks something must be wrong. If parents continually overreact, she may eventually feel that she’s incapable of making herself feel better, and that she should seek help for even minor accidents.

Some parents are very uncomfortable seeing their son cry after a fall. They may tell him, “You’re a big boy, you can handle it. It’s only a little cut.” Even now, there are parents who think it’s all right for girls, but not for boys, to cry. Parents should remember that young children of both sexes sometimes need comfort and sometimes need to handle minor injuries on their own.

When you watch your child playing, you probably warn her about dangerous situations: “Don’t climb up there or you’ll fall!” If she climbs and falls anyway, you may have a hard time being sympathetic. It’s tempting to say, “I told you you’d get hurt if you played like that,” but if your child is in need of comfort, she will feel rejected by such a statement and not understand the safety message you intend. In such a situation, you should pay attention to her pain while also telling her that what she did was unsafe.

On rare occasions, your child’s injury may be serious enough for a trip to the doctor or the hospital. A serious accident is always frightening for parents and children, especially if there’s a great deal of rush and concern. If your child needs special treatment, reassure her: “I know your arm hurts and I’m going to see what we can do to make you feel better. That’s why we’re going to the hospital.”

Try to remain calm and explain (or ask the doctors or nurses to explain) the medical procedures to your child. Let her know if she will be put on a stretcher or in a papoose, and if a particular procedure will be painful. You and she may not be able to avoid pain and unpleasantness in this situation, but you can be there to help her and go with her to the treatment room if permitted.

It’s always hard to see your child in pain after a serious accident, and you might feel better if you bring someone along to help and com-fort you-a friend, neighbor, or relative. As one mother said after her daughter received stitches, “I hear about this happening to other children, but it’s very different when it happens to your own.”

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Toddlers scramble out of their strollers, climb on anything handy, and insist on being picked up because they want to see better and reach farther. When a child stands on the floor, he can’t look out of most windows. Beds and toilets seem very high and big, and doorknobs and light switches are unreachable.

In public places, almost nothing is placed at a child’s eye level. One mother walked into a health clinic and introduced her three-year-old son to the receptionist, who was sitting behind a high counter. The boy couldn’t see anyone to say hello to and just stared at the wall in front of him until the woman peeked over to look at him.

When a child goes to a public bathroom, the toilets, sinks, towels, and dryers are all out of reach. Most water fountains are too high for him to use and most of the interesting features of stores and restaurants—cash registers, cafeteria counters, bakeries bins—are out of sight. When he has to sit in a stroller, his view is even more limited.

To see what your child sees, get down to his level and look around. You won’t see your own kitchen sink or the tops of your tables. In a store, you won’t be able to look at what people are doing behind counters or see most of the interesting merchandise. You’ll notice that at nursery schools and day care centers everything is at eye level, and all the tables, chairs, and shelves are easy for children to reach.

Once you see how unsatisfying your child’s view can be, you’ll understand why he wants to climb and be carried. Pick him up often so he can see what is happening around him, let him sit on store counters (while you carefully supervise), and provide safe stools or pillows at home so he can climb a little and see more of his world.

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A child will begin to walk as soon as he’s developmentally ready. For some children that means at nine months; for others, eighteen months. The age at which a healthy child walks has no effect on or connection with his intelligence, yet parents often feel pressure if their child is a late walker. Friends and relatives may ask, “Are you sure he’s all right? Why isn’t he walking yet?” or say, “My daughter was walking when she was ten months old and your child’s already seventeen months”, or, “Maybe your son needs to be around other children so he can learn by watching them”. Such comments cause parents needless anxiety because there’s nothing wrong with a developmentally healthy child who doesn’t walk until he’s fifteen to eighteen months old.

There’s no need to try and teach a child to walk. Although it might be fun for you to hold your child’s hands and let him walk along, such an exercise will not help him walk alone any faster. Try to be patient and wait until he’s ready for this stage of development.

He’ll prepare for independent walking by first learning to pull himself up to a standing position while holding onto furniture. Once he’s mastered this skill (which might take days, weeks, or even months), he’ll begin to take steps while holding onto furniture or onto his parent’s hand. Eventually, he’ll let go and take some steps alone. A child who starts walking is usually so delighted with himself that he hardly notices his frequent falls.

As he begins to stand and walk, his perspective will change. Before, he looked at everything from ground level, but once he’s upright, he’ll see more. People, objects, and even his own body will look different. He’ll be able to reach more things and to roam farther and faster, and that means his parents will have to continue childproofing his environment.

You’ll find that one of the most delightful aspects of this developmental stage is your child’s ability to go for walks with you. As soon as he’s steady on his feet, take him for a leisurely stroll outside. Walk at his pace, sometimes letting him choose the direction, and see how many wonderful discoveries he makes. He’ll want to stop and examine pebbles, grass, worms, and flowers, and if you bring a collecting bag along, he can take some treasures home.

The more your child walks, the less he’ll want to use his stroller, which can cause problems when you’re in a hurry or when you’re going far. If you’re in a crowded shopping center and want to encourage him to stay in his stroller, try distracting him with food or a toy. If this doesn’t work, try to find an uncrowded spot where he can walk for a little while without bumping into people. Often, he’ll want to push the stroller himself, and in a crowd this can cause quite a fuss. If you let him push for a little while, he may be more agreeable when you place him back in his stroller. Although his slowness and desire to practice his new skill may temporarily frustrate you, you’ll enjoy his excitement and independence. And you may be surprised to see that once he masters walking, he’ll be just as likely to run as to walk.

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Crawling is an important stage in development, and parents watch with delight as their child becomes mobile. Although some babies start crawling before they are six months old, most begin between six and nine months, and some never crawl, going from sitting to walking without the middle step. Because children develop at their own pace, each child will begin to crawl when she’s ready. But if a child has not begun by the time she’s nine months old, you may want to talk to a pediatrician about her motor development.

Some parents wonder if they can motivate their baby to crawl by putting attractive toys just out of her reach. Rather than help, this may only frustrate her if she’s not able to start moving. There’s really no need to encourage crawling because children have an innate desire to get to many different objects and explore their surroundings. As soon as she’s developmentally ready and able to extend herself, she’ll start crawling.

When your child first begins to move, you may see her “belly crawl” across the floor. She’ll move backwards or forwards, pulling with alternating arms while her belly stays flat on the floor. Later, she’ll get up on all fours, rocking a little. Eventually, she’ll move slowly on all fours, mastering the movement until she becomes a proficient crawler.

At that point (if not earlier), since your child will be able to reach many potentially dangerous objects, you will have to baby proof your home, an often time-consuming and frustrating task. You should put plants, small toys, and fragile items out of reach, but you should not stifle your child’s natural curiosity about the objects she sees. As long as harmful items are out of the way, let her crawl to the curtains, touch the table leg, or reach for a toy. That’s how she learns about her world. Of course, during this stage you’ll need to keep your floors clear of fuzz, small objects, and crumbs that could end up in your child’s mouth.

You will naturally be concerned about stairs once your child is mobile. The best way to be sure she’s safe is to use gates at the top and bottom of the stairway. If you have carpeting on the steps and bottom landing, you may want to attach your gate a few steps up so your child can crawl up and down the short distance safely. However, if your landing is not carpeted, you will want to attach the gate to the bottom step to minimize harmful falls. She will quickly learn to climb the stairs and will enjoy going up, but most children don’t come down steps safely until they’re one and one-half to two years old. That’s why it’s so important to close the top gate each time you pass through. Once you’ve made your child’s environment safe, you can relax and let her enjoy crawling.

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A father walked out of his son’s bedroom shaking his head. “I don’t believe it. He only weighs twenty pounds and I still can’t get him to hold still for a diaper change”. Getting a baby diapered and dressed requires a surprising amount of skill and patience, even though the job is a short one. Young children, who are usually in constant motion, squirm and resist being held down. They’re excited about their world, their interests change constantly, and they want to move and explore. Because they have a hard time putting off any of their urges, even for a moment, they don’t like to lie still.

Distraction can sometimes make your diapering job a little easier. Try putting some toys or interesting playthings nearby and keep handing them to your child. This might occupy him during a quick change. You also can try singing to him or making interesting noises, but most of the time you’ll have to restrain him a bit until you get him changed and dressed. You’ll naturally feel frustrated as he resists and struggles, but just remember that he has a strong drive to assert himself and explore and that’s why he won’t hold still.

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In theory, a playpen that’s used according to safety recommendations is a help to parents and provides a secure place for a baby to play. The problem is that most babies spend less time in playpens than their parents would like, or won’t stay in a playpen at all.

Most children aren’t content for long in a confined area. They want to explore their surroundings and move around, and they want to be with their parents. Although babies’ temperaments and activity levels vary, all young children have strong needs that aren’t met in a playpen. Some babies may play quietly there for twenty minutes, others for only a few minutes. Then they want to get out and explore or be held. One mother of a nine-month-old was determined to have her child spend a certain amount of time in the playpen each day, but he was unhappy there and became fussy and irritable. After several weeks, the mother stopped using the playpen and found that he was happier and more pleasant. So often children’s needs don’t match parents’ needs.

When parents buy a playpen, they usually think their child will play contentedly in it for long periods. They look forward to putting the playpen outside on nice days and taking it to the beach where they’ll shade their child with an umbrella and let her play. When they discover she doesn’t want to spend time in the playpen, they often feel frustrated and angry, wondering why she isn’t happy to stay there with all her toys.

If you want to encourage your child to spend some time in her playpen, try placing it near you so she can watch you and you can talk or play peek-a-boo with her. Give her a play object such as a toy telephone, pot, or bowl that’s similar to an object you’re using. Then she can occupy herself imitating you. You also can try changing the toys in the playpen frequently so she will have something different to play with. But be careful not to clutter the playpen with too many toys.

If you see that your child is becoming frustrated, pick her up and let her explore. A playpen should not be the main place where she’s allowed to play. She should have a safe, childproofed space where she can move around freely. Take some of the toys and put them in the room where you are so she can play near you. And if she wants to he held, try using a baby carrier so you can keep her close and still accomplish something for yourself.

The playpen has its use as a safe place to put your child for short periods, but she will never want to spend as much time there as you’d like. As long as your expectations are realistic, you probably won’t feel too frustrated when she lets you know she wants to get out.

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Parents want mealtime to be pleasant, enjoyable, and healthy, and they want their children to eat a variety of foods. But often the ways in which they try to accomplish these goals are self-defeating.

Parents may put new food in front of a child and say, “Just taste it”. They hope, of course, that he’ll enjoy the food and therefore ask for more. They also hope that after trying one taste, he’ll get used to experimenting with new foods. However, what often happens is that he refuses the taste and a power struggle develops.

Parents sometimes try threats or various types of persuasion. “You won’t get dessert unless you taste this”. Using dessert as an incentive focuses too much attention on sweets and often causes a child to expect dessert as a reward. Parents also say, “But it’s good for you”, “It will make you big and strong”, and, “Some poor children don’t have any food to eat”. But children tend to ignore such statements, which are based in part on falsehoods. There is no instant strength from food, and eating a meal won’t help another child who has to go without.

Although parents may succeed in having their child taste something new, there can certainly be negative consequences. First, he seldom, if ever, asks for more of the originally rejected food. And if the family is eating in public, his refusal to eat more than one bite can lead to embarrassment. One young child, forced to taste apple pie at a friend’s party, declared loudly, “I hate this dessert!” Once a child decides he doesn’t want what’s offered, he’ll seldom reverse his decision. Another negative effect of forcing children to taste food is the risk of establishing a life-long pattern of aversion. Many adults continue to avoid food they remember being forced to eat when they were young.

Basically, struggles over food are not so much about eating as they are about power. Parents try to make children taste something while children try to resist the pressure. They feel powerless when they’re not able to say, “I don’t want it”. And when they do try a bite of something they don’t want, they eat only because they feel they have no choice, or they want to please their parents, or they want dessert.

When a child resists food, he’s usually not being stubborn. It may be hard for him to tolerate a taste he finds unpleasant. Often, he decides that he likes or doesn’t like something based on its looks and consistency. Therefore, he may know at first sight that he doesn’t want to try something new. Occasionally, he may refuse food because he’s afraid that once he tries a bite, he’ll have to keep on trying more and more new foods.

Yet, despite all the negative effects and emotions involved in forcing a taste, parents get into mealtime struggles for a positive reason: they want their children willingly to eat nutritious foods. And there are ways to accomplish this without resorting to arguments. You can talk to your pediatrician or a nutritionist about alternatives for a healthy diet and consult books with advice and recipes for meals with a range of tastes. Try providing healthy snacks that children generally enjoy, such as homemade frozen juice bars, carrots, raisins, sunflowers seeds, or fresh fruit, and model for your child the kind of healthy eating habits you want him to adopt.

At mealtime, provide healthful food and leave him free to choose what he wants to eat. You’ll find that when there’s no coercion or arguing, meals are more relaxed and he’s more willing to try new foods. As your child gets older, his tastes will change, and he’ll eat different types and amounts of food. For pleasant and healthy eating, the best thing to do is offer a variety of good food without putting on the pressure.

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Soon after a child begins sitting in a high chair, she will probably want to try feeding herself. At first, she’ll use her hands to pick up food, getting some in her hair, on her clothes, and on the floor. Eventually, she’ll become a bit neater and start eating with utensils, although she’ll still use her hands.

Some parents are so bothered by messy eating that they try to stop their child from feeding herself. They think that meals will be faster and more efficient if they do the feeding, and they’re probably right. Yet there are other considerations. A child can become so frustrated when she isn’t allowed to touch her food or feed herself that she might push away what her parents offer and even refuse to eat. All children at some point have a desire to feed themselves, and they’re usually more cooperative at the table when their parents let them try.

When your child is ready to start feeding herself, you can minimize messiness by putting only a small amount of food on the tray (although some tolerant parents let their child plunge into a whole bowlful). When your child is ten to fourteen months old, you may see signs that she’s ready to try a utensil. She might reach for the spoon you’re using or imitate your actions as you eat your meals or feed her.

Her first utensil should be a spoon, since it’s safer to use than a fork. You can continue to feed her with your spoon while letting her dip her own spoon into the bowls of food. By the time she’s eighteen months old, she may be ready to use a child-sized fork, as long as you watch to see she doesn’t harm herself.

Don’t be concerned about the way your child holds her utensils; if she seems comfortable and is able to get some food into her mouth, there’s no need to worry. If she seems uncomfortable, you can show her how to hold a spoon or fork correctly, but don’t get into a struggle if she refuses to follow your example. Eventually she’ll learn by imitating you.

If she doesn’t want to use a utensil even though she’s old enough, and prefers eating with her hands, try to accept the situation. She may be more successful eating that way, or may just prefer to touch her food directly. Since eating should be a relaxed and enjoyable experience, it’s not wise to try forcing your child to use a spoon and fork. Just have utensils available so she can try them out when she’s ready. By the time she’s two and one-half to three years old, she’ll be using utensils much of the time.

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Young children, especially between the ages of ten and eighteen months, tend to make a mess when they eat. As they sit in their high chairs, they mash food, spread it around, and drop it on the floor—sometimes pea by pea, occasionally a bowlful at a time.

Parents wonder why their child acts this way. Is he doing it to bother, defy, or manipulate them? Usually not. He might throw his food down because he’s finished eating and doesn’t want any more, or because he doesn’t like the food he’s been given. He might also just be tired and ready to get down from the high chair. Often, a child makes a mess because he’s playing with his food, experimenting with the textures and spreading the food around to see what happens. A young child is interested in his meal not just for its taste but for its color and feel, and he doesn’t mind getting messy in his explorations.

When a child methodically drops bits of food onto the floor, he may be testing his own power over objects and his ability to make things happen. Children repeat this process because they seem to have a strong inner need to perform the same actions over and over. As a child drops his food, he feels delighted that he can control each piece, deciding where it will land and watching it fall.

This phase, in which your child likes to drop things (toys as well as food), can be irritating. If he’s at this developmental stage, you will find that he won’t listen when you tell him to stop. This happens because your young, egocentric child cannot consider your wishes and his at the same time. He ends up considering just his own desires and drops food even when you tell him not to. If you can view this impersonally or even playfully, without thinking that he’s trying to provoke you, you’ll have an easier time dealing with him.

To ease the clean up, you can spread newspaper or a piece of vinyl under your child’s high chair so you don’t have to wipe the floor. And you can try putting less food on his tray. That way he will still have a little to experiment with while you will have less to clean up.

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During infancy, a child’s mouth is her main source of pleasure and satisfaction. She enjoys sucking at the breast or bottle, drinking warm milk, and sucking on her fingers or thumb. Starting at about six months, she also gets oral enjoyment and relief from teething by sucking and biting on objects around her.

Babies don’t just put things in their mouths for pleasure or comfort, though - they also use their mouths for exploration. They learn about objects by tasting them, feeling their texture, and experimenting with them. Until a child is about two years old, many things that she plays with will eventually go into her mouth. She’ll pick up things from the floor, chew on her stroller safety strap, and even try to put her parents’ keys in her mouth.

Because she can’t tell what are safe or unsafe, parents have to be very watchful. If your child is at this oral stage, you must pick up pieces of fuzz, crumbs, and small toys so she will not accidentally choke on them. You also have to be sure that the objects she puts in her mouth are clean.

This developmental phase may seem long and tiresome to you, but if you start pulling safe objects out of your child’s mouth, or telling her that “only food should go in your mouth”, you will be depriving her of pleasure and a chance to explore. Try instead to realize and accept the fact that she has to put objects in her mouth because that’s a major way she learns about her environment.

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It’s hard for parents to follow their young child’s lead, especially when it comes to weaning. A child will nurse or use a bottle only as long as he needs to, but most parents don’t trust that he will stop on his own. Instead, they try to hurry him by taking away the bottle, breast, or pacifier before he’s ready.

There’s a lot of pressure on parents to wean their child. The pressure can be strong when the child reaches one year old, and increases as he grows. Friends and relatives ask, “What’s he doing with a bottle? Can’t he drink from a cup yet?” The pediatrician may say, “He doesn’t need to nurse or use a bottle anymore”. One mother reluctantly weaned her twenty-one-month-old son after such a statement from his doctor, although the child still enjoyed the bottle. Even passersby may comment, “He’s too big for a bottle”. Negative remarks are directed not just at the child, but at the parents. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you still nursing?” “Why don’t you take his bottle away?”

Parents feel especially self-conscious when judged by other parents. If the parents of a two and one-half-year-old believe theirs is the only child on the playground who still drinks from a bottle, they will wonder how it looks to other people and what other parents are thinking. They’ll doubt their own judgment and wonder what they’ve done wrong or what’s wrong with their child: “Do I baby him too much? Do we give in to him?” These parents would feel better if they knew that many children are just not ready to be weaned at an early age. Parents can avoid feeling embarrassed in public by distracting their young child and telling him that he’ll have to wait before he can nurse or have his bottle.

If the bottle, breast, or pacifier is taken away from him too soon, he’ll probably look for other ways to satisfy his sucking needs. He might become irritable or start sucking his blanket. One mother, who threw out her fifteen-month-old’s bottles on the advice of her pediatrician, said, “My son seems OK but he started sucking his thumb”. Some breast-fed babies who are weaned at twelve to eighteen months may not yet be ready to give up sucking. If they are only offered a training cup, they may suck the top of the cup just as they would suck on a nipple.

Many children who drink frequently and successfully from a cup still nurse (usually under the age of two) or use a bottle. Between ages two and three, a child may want to suck when he’s tired, feeling stress from a fall or hurt feelings, spending time with a caregiver, or just relaxing with a favorite blanket or stuffed animal. He also may want a bottle whenever he sees another child with one. And during times of transition, such as a move or the arrival of a new baby, a child’s sucking needs may increase.

If he’s allowed to nurse, drink from a bottle, or use his pacifier when he wants, his needs gradually will decrease. Then either on his own or with your help, he will wean himself. This often happens by the time the child is eighteen months to two and one-half, although many older children will still relax before sleep with a bottle.

If parents feel they must hurry the weaning process, they should do so carefully. They should be sure that weaning will not interfere with another stage of development such as learning to use the toilet, beginning day care or nursery school, or adjusting to a new sibling. The process should be stretched over several weeks so the child is not forced abruptly to give up something important.

As your child gives up the bottle or breast, you may have ambivalent feelings. If you nursed, you may feel good about “having your body to yourself” again, or you may be glad to stop fussing with bottles. But you also may feel sad to give up the warm, close feeling you had as you held your child and offered him milk or watched him lie contentedly with his bottle. You also may miss the free time you had when he drank quietly by himself. Whatever your feelings—impatience or reluctance—in time your child will be weaned. If you can wait until he is ready to wean himself, the process will be simpler and more natural.

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Infants do not have the ability to control or postpone their needs. If they’re hungry or need to be comforted, they desire immediate gratification. When parents respond to their infant’s cries, providing food and comfort, the baby begins to trust her world and to feel some small ability to affect what happens to her. If her cries for food are ignored, she has no way to satisfy herself.

Feeding an infant on demand, which means whenever the baby begins to fuss, is one way parents can meet their child’s needs. Demand-fed babies and their parents are usually calmer and more content than families with babies who are fed on a schedule. This is because an infant fed on demand does less crying for food and comfort, and her parents spend less time distracting her since she doesn’t have to be held off until a scheduled feeding. A demand-fed baby also may be easier to put to sleep since she can be soothed with nursing or a bottle when she seems tired. There’s no chance of overfeeding a demand-fed child; an infant will not drink more than she wants or needs.

Parents who do not choose to feed their baby on demand, but rather on a schedule, often find themselves trying to comfort or put off their crying child. She might want to be fed, but the parents feel that it’s too soon, that the baby should wait three or four hours because she has “just been fed”. While it’s true that some babies can wait four hours between feedings, it is equally true that some babies need feeding much more frequently.

If a baby fed on a schedule is hungry before feeding time, her parents will have try to soothe her. And if they are not able to calm her down, they may be likely to leave her fussing or crying for long periods of time. Since it’s often hard for parents to listen to her cry, this can be a difficult situation, and one that probably takes as much time and energy as the extra feedings given to a demand-fed child.

New parents often decide to feed their child on a schedule because of advice from friends, relatives, and the pediatrician. In the face of such advice, they find it difficult to trust their instincts and begin demand feeding. They also worry that demand feeding means giving in to their child and letting her have too much control. Yet, an infant, because she’s helpless, needs to feel she has some control, some ability to make other people respond. When her needs are met, she learns to trust that her parents will take care of her.

The decision to demand-feed or feed on a schedule is often influenced by the way the child is fed—by breast or bottle. Although either method can be adapted to scheduled or demand feeding, it’s more likely that a breast-fed baby will be demand-fed, if only because of the ease of feeding. A mother can easily offer her breast at any time, while the parents of a bottle-fed infant must first prepare and warm bottles.

A bottle-fed infant is more likely to be fed on a schedule because her parents can easily see how much milk she’s drinking, and thus can decide when they think she’s had enough. Parents of a breast-fed baby, on the other hand, don’t know how much their child is drinking. When she cries soon after nursing, her mother is likely to offer the breast again because the child might not have had enough milk at the last feeding.

You can be successful breast-feeding or bottle-feeding, but using either method, you will satisfy your child best if you feed her on demand. If you feel you must follow a schedule, be flexible enough to offer a feeding when she truly seems to need it. When comforting doesn’t work between scheduled feedings, your child’s cries probably mean she’s hungry or so tired she needs to soothe herself to sleep after feeding. At such times, you should ignore the clock, follow your instincts, and meet your child’s needs.

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There’s a wide age range for toilet training, but by three or three and one-half years old, most children learn to use the toilet during the day. However, learning to stay dry at night sometimes takes another six months, and many children occasionally wet at night until they’re four or five years old. Nighttime control generally comes later than day control because a child must go for many hours without using a toilet before he’s physiologically ready, and because a sleeping child can’t consciously decide to go to the bathroom.

                               A child will stay dry at night when he’s ready. He may tell his parents that he wants to stop wearing diapers, or his parents may decide that he’s ready because he has been consistently dry for many days. Sometimes a child who’s dry at night will find it hard to give his diapers up, but if his parents let him know that diapers are available at night if he needs them, he will probably switch to underpants without a problem. Parents should not be alarmed if their child asks to go back to wearing a nighttime diaper. Such a request is usually just a temporary desire to re-experience something familiar.

                               Some parents choose to help their child stay dry at night by waking him up to use the bathroom, especially if he’s had a lot to drink before bed. Other parents encourage their child to be a “big boy”, although such urging misses the point. He will be dry when he’s mature enough and his body is ready. Pressuring him to act older will not help, and neither will shaming him or trying to make him feel guilty about wetting.

                               Even if a child has been dry for weeks or months, accidents are inevitable. If your child wets his bed, keep in mind that he’s not doing it to frustrate or harass you. Either he’s not quite ready to give up diapers or, if the accidents are occasional, he’s sleeping too deeply to get himself to the bathroom. It is also possible that your child is reacting to the temporary stress of a move, a new baby in the family, or the start of school.

                               Whether your child has been having accidents or has not yet been dry enough to give up diapers or pull-ups, you probably feel impatient and frustrated. You may feel that he’s been in diapers long enough, or that you don’t want to wash and change sheets frequently. These feelings are understandable, but once you realize that he’ll be dry as soon as he’s able, you can adjust your expectations and relax.

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Moving from a crib to a bed is a big change for a toddler. She’ll leave the security of a small, closed-in space for the freedom of a larger space. And after spending a few years in a confining crib, she’ll be able to control her movements in and out of bed.

                               Parents often wonder what it will be like when their child has her own bed. Will she fall out at night? Will she get out of bed frequently? Will she play and entertain herself in bed as she did in the crib? Will she feel comfortable and secure? They sometimes have mixed feelings about the transition from crib to bed. It’s exciting to watch a child grow, but it’s also easy to feel sentimental as she gets older.

                               One of the questions parents frequently ask is, “When will my child be old enough to sleep in a bed?” Some children move to a bed when they’re as young as twenty months—usually because a new sibling needs the crib. But if the crib isn’t needed, parents should probably wait until their child is two and one-half or three years old before making the switch. By that time, she may be ready for the move and excited by the idea of having her own bed.

                               The transition from crib to bed shouldn’t come when a child is going through major changes such as her mother’s return to work or the beginning of day care or nursery school. At these times, she will probably need the security of her familiar crib. If the change to a bed is planned in anticipation of a new baby, the parents should not wait until the baby is born to make the switch, but rather give their child at least three or four months to get used to sleeping in a bed.

                               Before you move your child out of the crib, prepare her for the change. If you’re buying a new bed or sheets, you might want to take her shopping with you. Spend some time talking to her about her move from the crib, but be careful about telling her that she’s getting a bed because she’s “big now”. Toddlers feel a desire and pressure to be older and sometimes the suggestion that they should act “big” adds stress to a situation. Your child may feel you want her to do something she’s not yet ready for.

                               Once you have the bed, try putting it right next to her crib so she can make a gradual switch from one to the other. She can begin by taking naps in the bed, and then slowly start spending nights there. If she was used to having toys in her crib, put some on her bed. After a few weeks, when she no longer needs her crib, take it down, letting her help. Or, if you’re going to use the crib for a new baby, let your child help move it to the other room.

                               If you’re concerned about your child’s safety in a bed, you can buy a safety bar that will keep her from falling out. You also can put the box spring and mattress on the floor rather than on a frame so she can climb in and out of bed easily without getting hurt—and she can even jump on her bed safely this way.

                               During the time of transition, notice how she feels about the change. If she’s having a difficult time giving up her crib, slow down. Even if you planned to use the crib for a new baby, you can postpone the change by putting the newborn in a cradle or portable crib for several months. And when you do give the crib to the baby, don’t be surprised if your older child still shows an interest in playing or sleeping in it. Children occasionally like to pretend they’re babies and go back to familiar objects and places. As long as your child doesn’t feel pressure to give up her crib before she’s ready, her transition to a bed should be smooth.

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Since parents spend a lot of time giving to their child and putting off their own needs, they look forward to the free time they have when their child naps. While parents are adjusting to their newborn, they often use free time to catch up on sleep. But gradually they feel the need to be “productive” during their child’s naptime and may plan to do something during that period every day.

                               Each child has his own patterns of napping which change as he grows. During the first months of infancy, he may spend most of the day sleeping and then, for the next six months to a year, nap several hours at a time in the morning and again in the afternoon. Over the next year, he will most likely drop one of these naps and then gradually give up napping altogether. Of course, there are many children who stop napping at eighteen months old, and others who never take predictable naps, even in infancy. Some parents are flexible about naps and let their children follow their own natural sleep patterns, while other parents are advocates of strict scheduling.

                               A child’s napping pattern may depend on the amount of sleep he gets at night. A child who sleeps nine or ten hours at night will probably need an afternoon nap, while a child who sleeps twelve hours may not need to sleep again during the day. By the time he’s two or two and one-half years old, his napping might interfere with his nighttime sleeping so that if he   naps for several hours he may be filled with energy late at night. This is fine if his parents’ schedules permit late morning sleeping, or if they like to spend the evening hours with him. But if they want him to go to bed earlier, they should try and keep him from napping or at least from napping so long. Some parents are especially reluctant to let their child nap in the car, since a few minutes of sleeping in a car seat can take the place of a much longer nap at home.

                               Keeping a child from napping, however, can sometimes cause problems. Some children are very irritable when they don’t sleep during the day, and their parents might decide that eliminating the nap is not worth the struggle. The child might go to bed earlier if he doesn’t nap, but if he’s unhappy all afternoon and evening, the family hasn’t gained much. Similarly, many children are tired and irritable if their nap is cut short, although some are able to wake up after a short nap feeling rested and ready to play.

                               Children in day care often nap as they would at home. Infants sleep when they need to, and older children, who are usually up early in the mornings, generally nap for a couple of hours. These naps keep them from being sleepy during the early evening hours and allow parents extra time with them at night.

                               Many babies only fall asleep for their nap after being fed. Some older children who don’t want to separate from their parents or their play may need to be rocked or patted to sleep.

                               If your child doesn’t nap regularly, you may naturally feel frustrated at the lack of time for yourself. But you shouldn’t try to force him to nap, since there will be negative consequences. He may spend long periods crying and you’ll probably become angry at him and at yourself for forcing the issue. Instead, look for alternatives to napping. If you’re home, you can hire a baby-sitter to play with him several afternoons a week so you can have time alone, or you can try waking your child up earlier in the morning so he’ll go to sleep earlier at night. As he reaches preschool age, you might try having him stay in his room for a short quiet period of reading and playing.

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