I am the shortest fellow in my class



I am 20 years old. I am the shortest fellow in my class. All my friends mock me. I cannot say anything to them because they are my best buddies. Even my girlfriend left me because of this. I am so depressed and down that I don't feel like going to school. They are also calling me 'chhottu namboodiri'. Please help me.



You feel hurt when your friends tease you about your height; you feel quite helpless that you can't deal with their behaviour effectively.



If you want to stop this teasing without damaging your friendship, have a frank talk with your friends. Include the following: your feelings, that you value their friendship, but you also value yourself, and the action you want, etc. For example: "I feel hurt when you, my closest friends, tease me and make fun of my height. I am fine with my height, but I don't like being teased about it. I would like you to stop this." Be firm when requesting them to stop. If they still continue to tease you after a few times of your asking them to stop, evaluate: Are they really your friends? Or just having a laugh at your expense?



Simultaneously, develop your personality, maximize your strengths and avoid self-pity. When you value and respect yourself, others will also respect you. Take inspiration from others: Actor Danny De Vito is just 4 feet 10 inches, but he has found his talent and showcases it. Remember: gold kept in a 'tiny' box is far more valuable than many 'big' objects! It has its own shine. Find the gold within you and even though you are short, you can become a person that others will look up to!



 



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I want him only as a friend



I am a girl of 17. It is three years since I have chosen a boy as my "best" friend. My parents know of our friendship and have never objected to it. One day he suddenly declared his love for me, taking me by surprise. But, I want him only as a friend and nothing more. How do I get out of this situation without hurting him?



Looks like you're in a dilemma – your "best" friend wishes to become your boyfriend, which you don't want. You are dismayed and upset that your treasured relationship has undergone an irreversible change. And now that he has declared a romantic interest in you, no matter what you tell him, you risk losing his friendship.



The gentlest way to break this dilemma is to be frank yet compassionate. Tell him that you are fond of him and appreciate him as your best friend, but that you don't see him as anything more than that at this point. Tell him lovingly that you're aware that he will feel hurt by what you say and that you feel bad, too. Since you have been close friends, seek his participation to find a good solution to the problem. Ask him, 'how can we work through this and yet retain our friendship?' If he thinks that he cannot remain your friend only, he might cut off the friendship; or he may want time away for a while, or he might even accept your decision and choose to continue as good friends. No matter what the response, you will need to support and accept his choice, and he yours.



 



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My parents drive her away



I am 14 years old, and the only boy in my family. Whenever a girl tries to make friends with me, my parents drive her away by being rude and impolite to her. My sisters are even worse. I am fed up!



You sound so frustrated and embarrassed that your parents treat any girl who comes to meet you with suspicion and are rude and impolite to her.



The best way to find out why they do this is to have a frank talk with them. Perhaps they are worried that you will lose focus on studies? Or that you are breaking family and social traditions? Or is it something else? Also, be clear about your own intentions: Are girls just "friends' for you, or do you want a girlfriend?



Explain to your family members that it embarrasses you when they are rude to a guest, and that it doesn't make them look good either. Ask them what makes them uncomfortable when a girl tries to make friends with you. Acknowledge and accept what they say with an open mind. At present, if they feel that you don't need a girlfriend, respect it. Ask if they are fine with a mixed group of friends coming home. It will help your family to gradually become comfortable with both girls and boys as your friends. Once they know your group, they may not object to 'girl' friends from your group coming over sometimes. As for having girlfriends, there's plenty of time for that later!



 



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I fear for my parents



I am a 19-year-old boy and my parents are quite old. My problem is that whenever my father goes out or I go somewhere, I feel that my father may meet with an accident or that my mother may not be safe alone in the house. To add to my fears my father is a heart patient. I do not have the courage to leave them alone. I don't care about myself, but I will not be able to bear my parents death. Due to this I am not able to concentrate on my studies or go anywhere. How can I overcome this fear?



You feel so anxious about your parents' well-being and safety and fear the worst will happen to them. Perhaps you are afraid of being left alone in this world, and this makes you over-attached to them!



You cannot control everything that happens, so focus your energy on what you can.



1. Think helpful thoughts: Imagine your thoughts are like a hat - you can choose which to wear. Instead of I don't..." or I can't..., try these: 'I may face challenges, but I can overcome them', 'When I care about myself, I can take care of my parents better, 'God gives me the strength to face life, then why fear?'



2. Take positive action: Find solutions. Some examples: hiring a maid during the day can ensure that your mother has company. Discussing your father's heart treatment with him can help you feel better prepared to help him if he requires it.



3. Pray: While death is inevitable for everyone, faith in God will help us to accept it when the time comes. Pray, asking God to help you build inner strength.



4. Refocus: Instead of focusing on death, focus on loving your parents and enjoying each moment with them. Help your mum at home; go for a walk with both of them, spend more time with them, do some activities that all the three of you will enjoy. Each day, express gratitude for your parents’ presence in your life.



5. Balance your life: Make friends. The more you connect with others, the happier and healthier you will be. Focus on building a career. Your parents would love to see you happy and well-settled in life.



6. Seek support: Instead of going it alone, seek help to work through your fears talk to a counsellor, a priest/ pastor, a mature friend/an elder.



Fear can be 'Forget Everything and Run' or 'Face Everything and Rise'. The choice is yours.



 



Picture Credit : Google