I'm always feeling sleepy and hopeless



I am in Class X and I want to improve in my studies. My problem is that I sleep a lot; I'm always feeling sleepy and hopeless. As I am not as intelligent as other students, I need more time to study, but I can't manage my 'sleep'.



Looks like you find yourself slow and struggling with your studies due to excessive sleep, and you feel quite hopeless, too.



Excess sleepiness can be due to an underlying health condition: lack of certain vitamins in your diet; lack of exercise leading to lethargy; not getting enough sleep at night, and so on. These could also lead you to a low mood. Visit your family doctor at the earliest to find out the reason.



At the same time, make sure you get exercise - especially in the morning. Exercise boosts brain power and also helps you to feel good about yourself. If you feel sleepy only when studying it could be due to your lack of interest in studies, not understanding what you learn, or not using the right methods to study.



Most importantly, if you feel hopeless most of the time, do connect with a counsellor in person, at the earliest. She or he will help and support you.



 



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His friends poisoned his mind



I was in a relationship with a boy of my age. We were always there for each other. But, his friends poisoned his mind and told him false stories about my best friend and I; that we are in a relationship behind his back. Due to this, my boyfriend broke up with me. I know he still loves me and I too love him a lot, but I don't know what I should do now.



Looks like you and your boyfriend shared a supportive relationship. You miss him a lot and would very much like to have him back.



However, if he has allowed his friends to 'poison his mind', it looks like he didn't trust you much, unless something happened to break that trust. It is important to reflect on why your friendship with your "best friend" has caused so much trouble. Did you spend more time with your best friend than with your boyfriend? What could have happened to make his friends say that you and your best friend were 'in a relationship behind his back’?



Looks like he is unwilling to speak to you. If he is willing to talk - as you say you are quite sure he still loves you - then ask him for a meet. Find out what has made him upset, as well as discuss your feelings and clear the misunderstandings. However, if he is unwilling to meet and listen to your point of view and your feelings, then you need to let go.



 



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She thinks of me as just a friend



I am deeply in love with a girl who is a year younger to me. I think about her every day. I even proposed to her, but she rejected it. I've been in love with her for more than a year. We often meet, too. Our mutual friends think that we're perfect for each other. But, she thinks of me as just a friend. The good thing is that my feelings for her don't affect my studies in any way. It's the first time I've ever felt this way about any girl.



Looks like you have a crush on this girl and she is quite special for you.



If she doesn't return your feelings, there is nothing much that you can do, except enjoy your friendship, for that too is a precious relationship.



A year is a long time for one-sided feelings. While it is great that it is not getting in the way of your studies, it does take up your mind-space - time that could be spent on developing your personality, your talents and hobbies, etc. Meeting her often, and having your friends to tell you you're 'perfect for each other' won't help you to move on with your life. So, help yourself to move on. Ask your friends to stop discussing about you as "a perfect pair", meet her less often. Make new friends, too. One day you will meet someone who will return your feelings and you will find that to be more fulfilling.



 



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My parents don't love me



I am the eldest son in my family. I have two younger sisters, aged 7 and 12. My parents are very protective of them and can't stand any wrong done against them. I enjoy playing or fooling with my sisters but my parents don't like it. They assume that I will "harm" them. They don't trust me with my sisters. I am older, chronologically and physically, and there's a possibility of me harming them. My parents also think I'm not good enough in studies and compare me with them. No matter how hard I work, my parents assume that I don't do anything good. The other day when I was playing with my siblings and one of them got injured and my parents threatened to "send me away". When I confronted them and asked if they really meant what they said, they replied: "Yes, we want you to go". They don't love me. Why?



Looks like you feel quite confused by your parents' behaviour. It makes you feel unloved. Before anything, do reflect on what you have shared, it will help you find your answers: What kind of 'play’ or 'fooling around' do you do? You may have no intention of harming them, but the reality is that one of them accidentally got injured. ‘What 'trouble' do your parents have to say: 'we don't need you around to cause....’? What makes them think you 'don't do anything good’?



Has any of the above happened before? If yes, it is natural that your parents are concerned about your sisters' safety, and also about your behaviour. If you want to win back your parents' trust, here are some changes you need to make in your behaviour:



1. Find different ways to show affection to your sisters. Perhaps you can show you care by playing board games or by helping them in some way. Be an encouraging and supportive older brother.



2.  Make friends with other people of your age. Channel your energy into exercises and sports. Focus on your future, your career, your hobbies, etc. Take responsibility and offer to help at home.



3. Reach out to your parents. Share your feelings with them: "I feel very hurt when you ask me to go.” Ask: "What can I do differently that we can get on better?" Tell them you want to make them feel proud of you and ask them what would make them feel proud of you. If they won't agree to a conversation ask a trusted older person to help. Only when your parents see a change in you, they will begin to trust you; and when you change you will feel better about yourself.



 



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