My Science School

I regularly receive SMS messages from an unknown person. I think he is a good person. But even though he sounds fine, I get disturbed. I asked him not to send any more messages, but still he sends them. I don’t want to tell my parents about this because they would worry. What should I do?

You seem to be torn between what you should do and what you want to do.

My two-word answer: Block him. Today’s smartphones allow us to both block and report any contact that disturbs us.

However, it is important to reflect on why you haven’t blocked him till now, though he is an ‘unknown person’ and you ‘get disturbed’. Is it because you want to continue receiving SMS messages from this ‘unknown person’? Is it because you like the attention you get? At the same time, you ‘get disturbed’ or you feel a bit guilty and afraid? What makes you tell yourself that he is ‘a very good person’, though you don’t know him at all? What kind of a person is he if he does not stop messaging even though you have asked him not to?

You do not even know who he is, nor his age, location, family, friends… For a healthy relationship, you have to interact with persons openly – not just alone, but also in family and social settings. You have taken a huge personal safety risk in interacting with a total stranger… and your parents will not just worry, but will also be angry.

Your actions are accompanied by responsibility and consequences. What you decide to do should bring you safety first. The best thing to do is to block him.

 

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I used to study in an all-boys’ school and now I have moved to a co-ed school. I am very shy in making friends with girls. I like a girl and want to be friends with her. Should I approach her and say that I want to be her friend?

It seems your inexperience in social interaction with girls makes you feel too shy to approach a girl whom you like. While it is perfectly fine to approach someone and say, “I want to be friends with you,” it can make the other person feel uncomfortable because she doesn’t know you enough.

A good way forward would be to first make friends with both guys and girls in a mixed-gender group that you can learn to interact with girls without pressure. If this girl hangs out in a mixed-gender group, you can try to join that group.

When you feel a bit confident, you can make friends with her directly, or find a common friend first. Take one step at a time. Smile at her… and at other girls, too. Work up to a ‘hi’ and then find an opportunity to begin a conversation. Find out what she is interested in and what your common interests are. This way, if you both become good friends, it’s wonderful, if not, you still have learnt how to be comfortable making friends with girls.

 

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I am a 19-year-old girl in a relationship for the past one year. My partner is extremely loving and considerable. But he has a very close friend who dislikes me and constantly tries to control his life. She demands that he ask her permission before he does anything. Her behavior irritates me a lot as she even gets annoyed with him when he meets me. I have talked to him about this; he says he loves me madly but can’t afford lose that friend. I now feel very insecure though I know that I am the only one for him.

Looks like your partner’s “best” friend’s behavior makes you frustrated and insecure, and she has become an irritating thorn in your side.

What matters more is not what she does and how she behaves; but how he handles both her and you. How does he respond when she demands that she asks for her permission before he does anything? Is he able to keep her in her place – that of a friend – while according to you your place is as his partner? If you do not like the way he handles the situation, then this lady will continue to aggravate your relationship.

However, if you choose to stay, then have a positive conversation about setting relationship boundaries. Set aside the time with your partner and share your feelings. Jointly decide what the boundaries are – in which areas this friend is allowed into your lives and where is she not. It is important to sensitize your partner to the fact that this line between love and friendship is strongly needed for a healthy relationship.

 

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I feel like I have no luck at all, if I apply for a scholarship I get rejected while my friends who have applied for various schemes are accepted. Sometimes, I think that people who cheat prosper in life.

Sounds like you are quite discouraged because of your repeated setbacks and think that luck will never smile at you. Perhaps you also feel envious that your friends seem to easily get what they want.

The biggest obstacle to success is one’s attitude! Successful people are very careful about what they say to themselves. They boost themselves with positive self-talk. They are grateful for what goes well and also for the challenges. So when you keep telling yourself that you have “no luck at all,” it becomes an automatic thought, and becomes true for you, and you defeat yourself.

For success, you need to be very clear about what you really want (instead of wanting something because others are doing it) and what steps you will take to achieve it. When you face obstacles, you have to keep trying. If you don’t succeed, you have to find a new way to get what you want without giving up your values. However, if something is truly not meant for you, then you also need to let go with grace and focus on what is meant for you.

Remember: “What we call luck, is simply pluck… and doing things over and over, courage, will, perseverance and skill are the four leaves of luck’s clover.”

 

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