My Science School

I am a teenager. My problem is that my grandma always gives false information about me to my dad, and he believe her because she is his mom, and scolds me. I want to ignore what she says, but I end up crying all night. I do well in academics, but I’m worried this might affect my studies. What do I do?

It would really hurt when someone in your family speaks about you this way. But it would be helpful if you could look at it more rationally and analyse why this happens. Find out if you are in anyway contributing to the comments gaps, etc. have an open conversation with your grandma, and see if you can look at it from her perspective. Many a time, due to lack of communication, we are misunderstood. See if you can make changes if her concerns are genuine. Also, crying may help us let out our feelings, but it may not be a solution to our problems. It would help if you speak up for yourself or seek from someone you trust. An open conversation with your father too maybe helpful. State the facts to him and stay calm. Your academics are very important and you should not lose your focus.

 

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I’m in Class IX. I had a girl friend, but broke up and now I don’t have any friends. I’m feeling sad. Help me.

You must be upset after your break-up. It is necessary to overcome your loss. Be open about your feelings to someone you trust. Do not feel bad about yourself and remember that you are not alone. Think about the good things about yourself. Take care of yourself with proper food and sleep. Divert your mind by doing things you like. Initiate efforts to talk to others and make new friends. Give yourself time to get over your loss. It is okay to cry – letting out your feelings is very important. Remember that things will change if you help yourself. Focus on your studies and do your best. If you still find it difficult to overcome your sadness meet a counsellor or a therapist to help you out.

 

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I am in Class VIII, and I love to study. My IQ is good, but these days I find subjects hand. My parents are scolding me since I’m not doing well in studies. I want to increase my percentage and my study hours from two to six every day, as it can help me ace the Boards and also improve my self-confidence. Please help me.

I appreciate your interest in studying. It’s good that you want to improve. It is not the number of hours you spend studying that matters but the quality of time spent. The way you study and how you are able to produce what you’ve learnt during examinations are very important to get good marks. Here are a few strategies for you:

• Follow a schedule: Plan you study so that you are clear on what you must complete. This schedule has to be followed regularly. Study every day.


• Stop procrastination: Do not postage studying. When you accumulate work, you might become anxious and will not be able to study well.


• Choose the right place to study: It must have no distractions. A well-lit and ventilated study place is equally important.


• Avoid distractions: More away from television, mobile phones, games etc. during study time.


• Take short breaks: A break every 45 min or one hour of study is good. When you study for a long time, you mind will lose attention and focus. Your mind also needs a break to refresh.


• Regular physical exercise: This is very important to keep you mind and body alert.


• Learning style:  Discover your dominant style of learning. Some of us are visual learners, some, auditory learners, and some, kinesthetic learners –learning through experiments and activities. Each one has a style, and if you can identify your style, you will learn better. We may have a combination of all these styles, but the dominant style helps us learn better.


• Stay healthy: A proper and balanced diet is very important, especially in your growing years.


• Stay motivated: As you move to higher classes, the work load will work load will increase. The motivation to do well and consistent hardwork will help you do better.

 

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In am very good at sports. But when I concentrate on sports, I lag behind in studies and vice-versa. I am confused. How can I balance both? Please help me.

It is nice that you’re good at both sports and studies. But you must strike a balance so that you are not overwhelmed. Take time to understand your goals and interests, and decide accordingly. Here are a few tips for effective management:

• Plan you week/months: Be aware of upcoming school activities and sport activities to help prepare yourself mentally and physically.


• Prepare a timetable: Make a list of tasks to divide time between sports and school work.


• Set priorities: You are best judge, plan for the most important work first and then for the rest. This way you will help yourself finish work according to your priority and then do the rest.


• Avoid procrastination: once you schedule your work, stick to it. When you postpone it, it becomes an overload and you will feel exhausted.


• Time management: Make maximum use of time – for instance u, use free time at school to complete work. Avoid distinctions such as social media, gaming, mobile phones, television, etc.


• Do not forget you goal:  when you have to balance sports and academics, you have to remember your purpose and go by your decisions.


• Warming signs:  Proper sleep and food are very important. Never ignore any warming signals such as sleeping during class, feeling exhausted etc. these are signs that you are getting overloaded. Make changes accordingly.


• Seek helps: Do not hesitate to approach your parents and school for help when there is need for it.

 

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My mom and my close friend’s mom are best friends. So they keep exchanging notes on what we boys do all the time. This is annoying. My friend and I have discussed this several times, but I don’t know what to do. They also cross-examine us as if we are lying. Please help us overcome this problem.

I agree that your respective mothers’ behavior can be irritating. It would be good to have a healthy and an open discussion with both the mothers and gain their trust. Seek the help of a trusted adult who can help you out. Do not worry too much; learn to ignore this since you do not have anything to hide or fear. Discuss this with your friend and get his opinions as well; his support is very essential. With an open mind, talk to your mother to understand what her concerns are. If her concerns are genuine, make necessary amends.

 

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I have made too many friends in my school and other schools over the last two years. Now I am in Class XI, and I think it is time to slowly focus on my studies. But this big circle of friends is sometimes becoming a bane. How do I cut down on the number of friends without hurting them?

Whether a big circle of friends is a boon or a bane depends on how you draw your boundaries. Friends form an important part of our growth, and we must learn to nurture relationships. It is very important to not be carried away by others. Staying focused without hurting others’ feelings is very essential. For this, have a clear idea of your goals, values and challenges. An honest and open communication with your friends will help them also understand you without any ambiguity and expectations. Learn to be more assertive – cultivate the habit of saying “no” without being harsh.

 

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I am in Class VIII. I have problem. When I trust my friends, they cheat or hurt me. In fact, not just friends, everyone I trust hurts me. What should I do?

Trust is important in any relationships, and develops over a period of time. It is a two-way process between two individuals. Trust can be developed and felt only when you feel secure and have the space to be yourself without the other person being judgemental. Here are a few suggestions to build trust in friendships.

• Be honest: In order to gain the trust of a friend, it is necessary that he/ she feels that you are honest when you express something.


• Be reliable: Listen to other people without judging their behavior. Demonstrate that your thoughts and actions are genuine.


• Avoid rumours: Never spread rumours about the other person even for fun.


• Offer help: Lend a helping hand to the person who needs it. Sharing in an important component of trust building – when you make the other person feel that you are available to share their good and bad, you become a trustworthy person. Remember not to get exploited, though.


• Forgive: Be ready to forgive and apologise for your mistakes. Have an open discussion and make changes for a better relationship. All of us learn from mistakes.


• Respect privacy: Be mindful to respect each other’s feelings and give them their space in everything.

 

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I am in Class IX. I live with my grandparents. They are very strict, and keep doubting me. I cannot do anything independently. At school, I don’t have friends to talk about my depression. Further, though I’m the second rank holder in the class, my teachers are forcing me to score centum in the subjects, but I’m not interested in that. And, another problem is that I have a crush on a boy, and I don’t know how to handle this situation. During class hours, I find myself distracted, thinking about the boy. I am depressed. Please help me.

You are in your teens and it’s natural that you would like to have the freedom to explore the world around. Your grandparents belong to a different generation, and so it seems to be difficult for them to understand your needs as a child of this generation. In order to gain their confidence, be honest and open in your communication with them and express your feelings to them. Ask them to help you out. You could also seek the help of any trusted adult to talk to your grandparents. Although their concerns may be genuine, they may not be able to look at it from your perspective. It is very important to have friends you can share your feelings with. During adolescence, it is natural to have attractions. Do not lose focus on your goal. It is a passing phase, and you will be able to handle it much better when you talk to someone. Give yourself some time for relaxation. Take up a hobby, read healthy books, be involved in a physical activity regularly. You are academically good, so fix a goal and work towards it. Do not get carried away by external pressure. Do your best. Only if you are physically and mentally strong, can you do your best.

 

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I am studying in Std XII. My problem is that I forget what I study very fast. I am totally blank when I appear for my exams and end up copying, which I hate. I study a lot, but whatever I study, I forget. I want to secure a good percentage in my exams.

You have shown courage by owning up that you resort to copying in your exams…it is heartening to see that you want to take steps to learn better and get out of it, as well as to secure a good percentage.

Rather than studying a lot (quantity), study effectively using a mix of study techniques (quality). Here’s how you can do so:

• Engage with information that you read or hear (with your senses):

• Focus to understand it clearly.


• Make it meaningful – relate it to your daily life using examples; associate it with something familiar.

• Process and store the information:

• Find patterns, such as similarities or differences.


• Group or chunk similar items together.


• Transfer information from one form to another, e.g., written to visual such as diagrams, tables, flash cards, and so on; or audio to written such as taking notes in bullet points and diagrams.


• Use funny methods such as mnemonics or your favourite movie character as a part of your study.


• Write – it helps to fix information in your mind.

• Recall the information by solving lots of papers so that you know exactly what you don’t know well.


• Practise or revise at regular intervals – not just once.

In addition, socialize, exercise, eat healthy, sleep enough and take micro breaks and naps (5 to 15 min) to break memory… and you’re good to go!

 

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I am a Class 9 student and I recently realized that I am losing friends. Earlier we used to have a large group of friends. But now teachers and students have started disliking me. There are a few teachers to whom I am a favourite student, but a few teachers really hate me; I don’t know why. I want to create a good image in school, but since I can’t do so I cannot concentrate on my studies.

It must be distressing for you to lose friends and to think that the teachers and students dislike you when you so wish to be liked.

It looks like you are trying too hard to ‘create a good image in the whole school’. Not only is it unrealistic to try and make everyone like you, it also puts people off when you try too hard to impress them. When you create an image, people don’t get to see your true self. If that is the case, people will certainly find it difficult to like or to make friends with you.

On the other hand, it can be quite natural for the number of ‘friends’ to become smaller. As we grow older, our personalities develop and our values get defined. We become more aware of our own likes, dislikes and interests and we are drawn to people with whom we share common things. So, some friends may drift away, while new ones come into our lives. It is said that while we can have many ‘friends’, we can most effectively maintain a very close bond with around five ‘close or best friends’ at a time. So, focus on them.

This is the best time to find your true self and radiate it. Those who are naturally attracted to you will be drawn to you. Let others go with gratitude.

 

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I am a Class 8 student and I perform well in studies, I am quite popular in my school because I am beautiful, and my overall performance is good. But my classmates do not behave well with me. They don’t talk to me as they think that I am very rude and have an attitude. They always ignore me and feel jealous. I don’t want to go to school and sometimes I harm myself because I know that I don’t have an attitude. I am depressed.

Your feelings of pain, anger and helplessness when your classmates ignore you in spite of your popularity in school are so strong that you end up harming yourself. Self-harm is not a suitable way of coping with your distress. Manage your feelings using relaxing techniques such as dancing, art, going for a walk, etc. And if you feel they are unmanageable, speak to a counsellor.

Just as we admire a film star for his/her beauty and acting but we don’t know them personally, your schoolmates admire you for your ‘beauty’ and ‘performance’ from afar and you seem to like this attention and popularity. Perhaps you expect the same kind of attention from your classmates instead of making friends with them and getting to know them personally? If yes, even though you think that you don’t have an attitude, your classmates will certainly think that you have one.

Focus on making friends with those classmates with whom you spend most of your time. Let them see the real you: Bring out your inner beauty with a smile and warmth, and let your performance be about building relationships based on love, trust, kindness and helpfulness. As E. Lockhart says: “If you have friends who actually like you, you are popular enough!”

 

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I study in an all-girls school and I have a crush on my senior. I have confessed my feelings towards her; however she doesn’t have any feelings towards me and I’m fine with it. But when I’m texting with her she calls me by names which couples would use and even says ‘I love you’ and that I make her happy. I’m really confused about what she means.

While your senior has said that she doesn’t return your feelings, you are puzzled about what her text messages really mean. It is quite possible that she is enjoying the attention that you are giving her. If yes, then she might just be playing with your feelings by using terms of endearment that couples use. More importantly, by texting her, you are setting yourself up to be hurt because you might actually begin to believe that she likes you in return.

In an all-girls setting, it is quite normal to have a ‘crush’ or to ‘hero-worship’ a senior of the same gender, so it is quite likely that this is a temporary situation. It is best that you stop interacting with her and instead focus on your friendships and on discovering your potential.

 

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