I kind of like a boy from my class



I am a girl in Class IX. I kind of like a boy from my class and I have been having feelings for him since the beginning of this year. I want to tell him how I feel about him, but I get nervous and often end up not saying anything. I know I am too young to have feelings for someone, but I should that stop me from liking someone? Please help me.



Such attractions at your age are very natural. Rather than being confused, open up about your feelings if that will reduce your anxiety. You are becoming nervous because you are concerned about the consequences. As you have said, you are very young for this. It is a stage when you are exploring your likes and interests. At the same time, you must be prepared to face the consequences once you express your feelings. Holding on to your feelings will only create more anxiety and worry. A healthy conversation with the boy will help you handle the situation.



 



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I’ve been unable to concentrate in class due to the disturbance caused by my friends



I’m in Class IX. Of late, I’ve been unable to concentrate in class due to the disturbance caused by my friends. Also, I’ve been spending a lot of time on social media, and consequently my marks are deteriorating. Please suggest tips to find my concentration back.



Disturbances and distractions are bound to happen as you grow up. It is up to us to take control of our actions and thoughts. We cannot control the people around unless there is threat of abuse. You have identified the cause for deterioration in studies. Take control of yourself. Do not focus on what has gone. Fix a goal for yourself. Plan a schedule. Keep away from social media. Have a fixed time allotted for your distractions. Self-motivation is very important for success. Keep gadgets away from your place of study. In class, if you need help from teachers, address the issue. Ignore petty matters and keep moving. Whenever you get distracted, visualize your goals. Tell yourself that you have a lot more to achieve in life. Appreciate your progress. Always be with people who are positive and encouraging. Welcome the positive change in you and look towards your progress and success. Spend your free time by being involved in hobbies, sports or any other healthy physical activity.



 



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How do I make my parents understand that I need to do things for myself?



I am 14 years old. My family has stopped me from doing anything – from reading books to riding a bicycle, though I have been performing well academically. My dad understands me well but my mom doesn’t. How do I make them understand that I need to do things for myself?



You must be upset that your mother does not understand your needs. Have you had an open conversation with her to understand what her concerns are? Her care and concern about you could be stopping her from understanding your interests. Reading good books and cycling should not be an issue as long as they do not impact you negatively. To help her understand your needs, talk to her. Seek the help of your father since he is supportive. Be open to your mother’s concerns. Give her the confidence that you will not compromise on your studies.



 



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My parents want me to pursue MBBS but I want to take up Arts or Humanities



I’m in Class X. My parents want me to pursue MBBS but I want to take up Arts or Humanities. I want to do a course in Journalism and write for reputed automotive magazines. I’m trying to convince my parents who insist they know what is best for me and that I might later regret not taking up MBBS. Please help me.



It could be a challenge to convince your parents when they have an opinion different from yours on the subjects you must choose in Class XI. Before you decide on the stream, you must analyse your interests. Career choices are based on an individual’s interest, skills, aptitude and personality. Of course, family values and financial background also play an important role. Discuss with your parents the pros and cons of both the careers. Every field has its own advantages and disadvantages. Weigh them in and make a decision that suits you best. Talk to your parents to understand what their concerns about the other streams are. You will be able to enjoy your learning and education only if that field interests you. Your skills as expressed by you will perhaps help you in the field of humanities. You could meet a career counsellor with you parents and get more clarity on the stream you will choose.



 



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My problem is that, during my monthly cycle, I like to be exempted from sports and games, because I feel very uncomfortable



I’m in Class XI in a co-ed school. My problem is that, during my monthly cycle, I like to be exempted from sports and games, because I feel very uncomfortable. But I have a PT master who keeps insisting that I join the class – so do other classmates, including the boys. How can I let them know my problem?



This is a natural and common problem for many girls in a co-ed school. It is not clear why your PT master is not able to give you exemption if the reason is genuine. You could express your concern to any other teacher, probably your class teacher, who can help you out. Also seek the help of your parents to talk to your teachers. If the teacher is able to handle the situation, then other students may not bother you much.



 



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I get very tensed and angry when I am asked to study all the time



My worry is about holidays. It is worse than school days-all that my parents keep harping on is studies and more studies. But I want to have a good break. I am in Class XI and really look forward to Christmas vacations. I know for sure they won’t allow me to relax during summer holidays because I will be moving to Class XII. I get very tensed and angry when I am asked to study all the time. How do I handle this?



I totally agree with you that breaks are very important to work effectively. How effectively we use our time is important. Also, looking at a year with intense studies ahead, a holiday is necessary. Your parents’ anxiety and concerns about your future are genuine. At the same time, they must understand that a calm and composed mind is very important for effective studying. Discuss with your parents their concerns. Give them the confidence that you will focus on your studies. Getting angry will not solve the problem. Instead, talk to them and express your feelings. Your parents may be worried that a holiday could distract you completely. Discuss your plans with them and act accordingly. Also remember that the quality of time spent studying is important and not the number of hours you put in.



 



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I create timetables, but it doesn’t work for me



I am in Class IX. I have dreams and aspirations. Till Class VII, I was the class topper. But since then, I haven’t been studying properly. My parents are supportive. I even create timetables, but it doesn’t work for me. Can you please help me?



It’s good to have dreams and aspirations in life. It helps us have a goal and work towards it. Dreams have to be realistic and achievable. You are good in academies and there could be certain reasons contributing to the drop in performance. As you go to higher classes, studying effectively is very essential. Although you are creating timetables, they may not be working due to various reasons. It is very important that you find them out. The reasons could be lack of time management, distractions, unhealthy study patterns, health issues, and lack of sleep and proper intake. Also, when you prepare timetables, remember that if you plan too many things, you may not able to complete them, and you will be disappointed. Do not compare yourself with others. Look into your strengths. Introspect and make necessary changes. Avoid procrastination. Be consistent and clear with your plans. Work with a positive attitude.



 



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My problem is that my parents keep on comparing me with my sister and ask me to study all the time



I have an older sister who is very serious about her studies. But I do a lot of other things such as reading, watching television, playing football etc. so, my study time comes down, but I do fairly well in class and examinations. My problem is that my parents keep on comparing me with my sister and ask me to study all the time. I hate it because I am not made that way. How can I make my parents understand this?



Each individual has their own interests and it is not good to compare on person with another, not even a sibling. Parents are concerned about you, and although it is genuine, you are getting irritated because of the comparison. Rather than getting agitated, think calmly if their concerns are genuine. Express to them that your interests are different. You have to give them the confidence that you will put in your best efforts in everything. To perform well in studies, you have to spend quality time. A proper balance of all the activities is important. Actions speak more than words. The anxiety of your parents is bothering you, so talk to them. Discuss the issue in a calm manner at an appropriate time. Be open to any suggestion also. Request them to stop such comparisons as they hurt you and seek their support to do well.



 



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I don’t know why, I always feel I am not important in my house and in my school



I don’t know why, I always feel I am not important in my house and in my school. People do not consider me or my opinion whether it is my parents, classmates or teachers. I feel very low and left out. I keep telling myself that I should not feel like this, but it just keeps coming back. How can I overcome this feeling? I’m in Class IX.



It is very important to feel good about yourself. You feel low when you imagine that others are being unfair to you. Our attitudes matter a lot. Accept that life is like a roller-coaster and that people’s ideas keep changing; do not take it personally. Appreciate yourself for the good things you do every day. Visualize them and note them down to feel good. Continue your good work. Motivate yourself to do something in life. Set your goals and focus on them. Stop comparing yourself with others and do something to keep yourself occupied.



 



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I feel lonely because my parents work, and I find myself alone at home for many hours every day



I feel lonely because my parents work, and I find myself alone at home for many hours every day. How long can I study, watch the television or surf the Internet? I need to have conversations with people. My friends are busy with their routine. My parents cannot give up their jobs because of financial necessity. What can I do? I’m in Class XI.



You definitely need to find ways to overcome your loneliness. Staying alone does not mean that you have to feel sad. It is just a situation and it will change. Think of it as an opportunity for you to do something you like. It is neither necessary nor healthy to fill all your time watching television or just surfing the Internet. You can choose useful programmes to watch. You can involve yourself in volunteering work of interest. I’m sure you will meet many like-minded people and also feel good when you help someone in need. Read good books. Explore different fields to decide on your career. I am sure you will have a lot of work to do at school as well. Study well and focus on your goals. To keep yourself fit, engage in sports of your choice. It will keep you physically and mentally fit. You appear to be very responsible and understanding. Spend time with your parents whenever you can to feel less lonely.



 



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How can I explain to them that my friends are good and that they are my world?



I hang out with friends often and they are all very close to me. But my parents think some of them are a bad influence on me because I do not study all the time. They also think I have many distractions. How can I explain to them that my friends are good and that they are my world? I’m in Class X.



You are in an age when you feel that friends are the only important people in your life, and that going against them will affect you. I hope you accept the fact that your parents are also your well-wishers. While friends are very important in anyone’s life, you are also susceptible to more distractions when you are with them. It is very important to choose the right set of friends. It is always said that you can tell a lot about a person based on their friends. You have to think about your parents’ concerns as well. They are concerned about your future and feel you must not regret your actions later. You can always be in the company of good friends. You need to gain the confidence of your parents and do your best. Parents also must be open for discussions, and children need to be socially connected and know their boundaries. With an open mind, discuss with them their concerns and see what best you can do to accommodate them; avoid confrontation. Understand your priorities and act accordingly.



 



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I’m just not able to control myself



I tend to eat too much, I’m just not able to control myself. I have gained a lot of weight over the last six months. Please help.



There could be several reasons for over-eating. Check with your general physician to rule out any medical reasons contributing to this. Take steps to reduce this behaviour. Be clear on your eating pattern and focus on mindful eating. One’s choice of food is always very important. Avoid junk, fried and canned foods. Eat more of vegetables and fruits. Try to understand your pattern for over-eating and take steps to resolve it. Avoid eating while watching television, gadgets etc. regular physical exercise is necessary to keep your body and mind healthy.



 



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I feel like committing suicide



My circle of friends consists of both boys and girls, but I spend most of my time with boys. It's because they "understand me better". There's no case of "attraction", but my parents see our friendship in the opposite way. They don't want me to be with boys and I can't understand why. My parents are very orthodox, while I am quite modern. I am a "go-with-fashion" type and try out all the new fashion trends. But my parents oppose this and are putting restrictions on my clothing sense. My relatives add fuel to all this. It has affected me badly and I feel like committing suicide. Whenever such things happen in my house, I harm myself with a blade. This has made me feel very depressed. Please help me.



You are feeling overwhelmed, under pressure and depressed by the standoff with your parents and relatives, and you are turning against yourself. Perhaps you also feel a bit guilty and ashamed that. You are not what your parents want you to be?



While harming yourself may make you feel better able to deal with your strong emotions for that moment, in the long run it is not a good way to cope with problems. By using a blade, you are putting your life at great risk. I strongly recommend meeting your school counsellor or approaching a trusted adult/teacher to seek face-to-face help for your feelings of depression and wanting to commit suicide. Please do this at the earliest.



When your feelings become strong and agitated, instead of harming yourself, calm yourself by channeling your energy and feelings into something soothing. You can exercise, listen to calming music, colour mandalas, dance or focus on a hobby if you have one till you become calm again. Decide on 2 to 3 methods that you can use.



 Later, when you are ready, you can sit with your parents and understand their concerns and views about your friends and your dressing. Perhaps, their concern is not so much about 'attraction' but about your 'safety'. The only way is to talk maturely to them and come to an agreement on boundaries. The counsellor/teacher/trusted adult can help in this discussion.



Right now, it is important that you deal first with your feelings of tension, depression and your desire harm yourself.



 



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I always feel ignored and lonely in class



I am a boy studying in Class 11. I always feel ignored and lonely in class. I try to change my mind and attitudes but I don't know the reason for this. Although I am handsome and muscular physically, I don't have a girlfriend.



You really want to belong and make friends in your class, but don't know how to go about it. Perhaps people see you as aloof? Make the first move: Wear a smile and look welcoming. Greet others warmly.



Instead of focusing on yourself, focus on the other person: Ask more and tell less. They will slowly begin to know and like you ask about you once they find you



Learn the art of conversation: Pick up a topic that seems to interest the other person, e.g; music and ask about the singer/group, music style, songs and what they enjoy most about it. Each response can lead to more exploration and sharing.



Be up-to-date on current topics; yet don't hesitate to show you don't know It's a great conversation starter you say, "Hey, I don't know much...how about telling me about it?"



People are intelligent. So it is not your looks, your physique and how you appear to others that will attract a girl or other people to you. It is the real person within.



 



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