My Science School

My friend is studying in another class of the same school as I am. I teased him by spreading rumours for fun. Normally, he doesn’t take it seriously, but this time he did. I said sorry but he is not responding, and not listening to me. I gave him a letter to know if he wants to be my friend or not but he tore it up. He spoke to me using foul language and called me names. I was heart-broken when he told me that he hates me.

Spreading rumours means spreading false stories or lies about someone. And it can have very serious effects when you cross a limit, as you have seen with your friend. Unfortunately, you seem to be feeling more heart-broken that he hates you, rather than remorseful that you hurt him. Perhaps you thought it was not such a big deal, but for your friend it certainly was.

If you focus more on your friend’s feelings, you will realize that even though you said sorry, you have not really shown him that you truly feel bad about what you did. Giving him a letter asking him to ‘decide’ whether he wanted to be your friend is a ‘thinking’ thing that is pushing his feelings of hurt aside. It would have been better to have just apologized and shown him that you care about him and that you are truly sorry for your actions.

At present, it is best to leave your friend alone and respect his decision about whether he wants to be your friend or not. Going forward, it would be nice if you were more sensitive to and considerate about others’ feelings. Maintain healthy boundaries and you will enjoy mutual respect and love.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I have a crush on a boy who is my neighbour. I know him since childhood as we used to play together with other children, too. As time passed we stopped talking, and I don’t know why, but I still like him. Now he has gone away for his studies and I desperately wait for him. I’ve cried for him a lot. I really want him but he treats me as his sister. This is affecting my performance in studies. I tried a lot to forget him since two years but I am unable to do so.

You seem to have a crush on a phantom from the past and not a real person of today. While this is causing you so much emotional pain, you are chasing an idea of a person, and not the person himself. It is as though you are walking forward with your head facing backwards!

Imagine if you meet a new friend and she or he finds that there is only a love-struck zombie in you, then she or he won’t be able to connect with you or exchange ideas and views, share thoughts, feelings and experiences, listen to you and be listened to, and have fun together. The person will be so disappointed.

Wake up and see that there is much to look forward to. Your family and existing friends would like your full attention. Once you’re done with school, there is college to go to; perhaps get-together and weddings to attend and new people to meet…the future can be quite exciting…if you let it!

So, let the ghost of this boy go. Come back to the ‘present’…you’re missing out so much!

 

Picture Credit : Google

My mom keeps sending me friend/follow requests on social media, but I do not want to let her into my virtual space. Not that I have anything to hide, but I value my space with my friends. I share a very good relationship with my mother, which is why it bothers me to say no all the time. How can I make her understand that I need my space? I’m a Class XI student.

I appreciate your openness and your concern for your mother. It is fine to have some privacy and space for yourself. What is very important is to gain your parents;’ confidence. They are our well-wishers, but sometimes they are over-concerned, leading to conflicts. Each person must give space to others. An open conversation is the best way to gain mutual respect. Give your mother the confidence that you will share anything important with her and that you will not cross boundaries. Understand her concern and act accordingly.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I’m in Class X. I have a problem. I do not have many friends on social media, but my friends do. I am very selective about adding friends because I do not want to land in problems. But still I get a complex when I see the number of likes and comments some of my friends attract when they post something. How can I handle this?

It is very essential to be very clear on the kind of friends you want to have on social media. It is not okay to get carried away by what your friends are doing. You must be clear about your boundaries. It is very natural to feel upset or confused when your friends seem to be getting a lot of attention on social media. Remember, this is a passing phase. Be clear about why you have set certain rules. It is not healthy to compare yourself with others. You have mentioned that you do not want to land in problems and it is your decision to restrict yourself. Do not feel bad about it and lose focus. For many, social media is addictive and it is very important for you to not get there. It is not good to practise unhealthy habits simply because others are doing it.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I have a friend who keeps posting false things about himself on social media, just to make an impression. I have told him many times not to do so. But he loves to show off. How can I make him realise it is not good and that it is important to be true? I’m in Class XI.

Social media can impact one’s life in many ways. Many youngsters create a false image on social media to gain attention. This is not healthy, and will lead to problems. I appreciate your concern for your friend and your interest to help him. In spite of your repeatedly telling him about the ill-effects of his behaviour, your friend does not seem to understand your concerns. Could you talk to a trusted adult and inform them? Also give him the confidence that you will help him overcome any problems, within your ability. But understand that you too have your limitations and cannot take responsibility for his actions. Explore why he seeks attention, and create awareness about the risks involved.

 

Picture Credit : Google

My parents caution me about putting out personal pictures and content on social media. But sometimes, when I go out with friends, i do not have a choice but to pose with them for pictures, which they put out on social media. It is embarrassing for me to say I will not pose with them. How can I handle this?

Posting pictures on social media needs a lot of caution. Your parents are concerned about your safety as there are a number of instances of misuse of such pictures. At the same time, your concerns about your friends posting your pictures are also understandable. Though embarrassing situations are bound to happen, it is very important to understand that you should not face problems because of your friends. Your friends may not understand the reason for your not wanting to pose for pictures. Express your concerns to your friends and request them not to post pictures with you. It is your decision to refrain from posing when you feel it is not okay for you or your family. Being assertive about yourself is necessary. Good friends will understand and respect your feelings.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I am in class IX and I am a sportsperson. I want to balance academics and sports, but I am not able to handle academics. I am planning to switch to The National Institute of open schooling or homeschooling. Is it a good idea?

Appreciate your interest in both academics and sports. A lot of planning is essential to balance the two. The NIOS system does have its advantages such as choosing the subjects of your choice and studying at your own pace, allowing you to focus on other activities. Although there are many advantages, there are a few disadvantages as well. You must set your own deadlines for studies and be clear on the time you spend on activities. Self-discipline is very important. Also you will miss the atmosphere of school and other activities that happen there. Choose the system after you analyze the pros and cons and know that it suits you. Also be clear on your future goals and plan accordingly. The field of sports offers excellent opportunities and will help you grow.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I m in class XI. I have a problem. Since I have a lot to study, I sleep only six hours a day, and end up sleeping in most of the physics and chemistry classes. How can I overcome this problem?

As you go to higher classes, the time you spend on studying will increase. At the same time, it is not good to neglect basics such as good sleep and healthy eating. Six to seven hours of good sleep at night is sufficient to keep yourself active through the day. Do consult your physician to see if there’s any deficiency leading to sleepiness in class. It is not the number of hours of study that matters but the quality. During your study time, avoid distractions and take small breaks. A regular physical activity to keep your mind and body active, and a balanced diet are also very important.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I m in class XII. I love being the best in all aspects. This year, I don’t want to be a class monitor but I want the badge alone. My class teacher has been giving excuses for not giving me that badge. I want it just for my satisfaction. Not having it has affected my concentration in studies. How can I deal with my greed and focus on my studies?

Life is a roller-coaster, and you may not be able to meet your expectations. As you grow, you must be able to priorities your needs. You cannot get everything. In this case, it is not fair to earn a title just for your satisfaction. Be clear on your goals. You are in class XII, and it is not good for you to lose your focus. Remember that you cannot hold on to anything for long if you want to grow. You will be upset when you have to give up certain things for good. But it must be done, and it comes by practice. You will grow only by sharing and giving. Feel good about yourself when you share something with others. You are very young and you will be able to overcome such situations when you think more positively and are not rigid. Schedule your work and appreciate yourself when you complete it. Hard work and determination will help you achieve your goal.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I am in class XI. I have a hard time trying to discover my talents. I know it sounds a bit weird but I am unable to find an answer. I took many tests and even sought advice from elders, but none of them seem to satisfy me. They all tell me the same thing, “It’s you who must find it out, not us.” when I hear this, I freak out.” Sometimes, I cry when alone. Recently, my best friend suggested that I take up a personality test and I did. But I still have my question unanswered. What can I do about it? Please give me practical solutions.

It is something very difficult to identify our talents. You have made various attempts. Have you met a career counsellor? If not, do consult one who can help you identify your talents through profiling and assessments. Your frustrations and confusions can be eliminated. Stay calm and try to find out what activities make you happy and what you do not like to do. Only when we find out what our likes and dislikes are will, we be able to get a direction. Staying anxious will make you more confused and agitated. Do not get carried away by online assessments.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I’m in Class XI. About three months ago, I become close with a girl in my class. We were having fun texting each other and chatting in class. In the last few weeks, however, another friend of mine had suddenly been spending time with her. I’m not happy because nowadays she spends more time with him than with me. No other girl in the class has been kinder to me than her. What can I do to get her to spend time with me as before?

Each of us has different kinds of friends in each phase of our lives. Some friends are very close and intimate with whom we share all our experiences while some are not as close. It is not healthy to be possessive of our friends. You have to know your boundaries, and respect each one’s interests and feelings. Dependence on one person creates anxiety and hinders the relationship. Widen your circle of friends. Give each one their space. Be open to accepting them as they are. A good friend, when communicated in the right manner and at the right time, will understand your feelings.

 

Picture Credit : Google

Most ligament injuries take a maximum of seven weeks to heal, but I have been having it for almost four months. Some friends of mine too had ligament tears but they are fine now. It hurts when people at school ask me how long it will take to heal. I’ve tried many types of treatment, but it’s not healing. I have been going through a lot of emotional issues because of this. How can I overcome it?

Healing of both physical and mental injuries differs for each individual. As long as you are taking the correct steps clinically for your recovery, you need to focus on your mental state. When you are emotionally disturbed, it can affect your healing as well. Here are few suggestions to overcome your situation:

• Keep calm: Identify your emotions and feelings, and learn to keep them under control.


• Reflect on your feelings: Look into the what, why, how, when and where of your feelings.


• Resolve: Be open and willing to understand the other person’s point of view.


• Decide: No matter what was happened, accept the situation and be open to making amends.


• Focus on your strengths: Rather than thinking about what has happened, look at your positives and make the best use of them.


• Be with positive people: Surrounding yourself with positive people will make you feel better.


• Don’t take things personally: Do not personalise issues; we get hurt when we take things personally.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I am 14 years old. I have a problem with myself. I can’t control my emotions, and I end up shouting at my friends, brothers and family. When I express my feelings, they point out to my mistakes and blame me. What is the solution for this?

It is not a good idea to suppress your feelings – positive or negative. When emotions get bottled up, it is natural to have an outburst, and many times it happens at an undesirable time, leading to misunderstanding and problems in relationships. Also, it is not healthy for the body to undergo stress, which can be avoided by letting it go in a healthy and an appropriate way. Suppressing emotions can leads to poor quality of life; managing them lead to a healthy way of life. It is very important to find out healthy ways to let out your unwanted feelings towards any situation or person. Most importantly, you need to accept that it is okay to feel bad or get angry. Tell yourself “I shall let it out and not keep it to myself”. Speak up for yourself in an assertive way, but never be rude or arrogant. When they point out to your mistakes, see if you are genuine. Withdrawal from the situation will not solve the problem. Distract yourself with music, sports or some activity to calm your mind. Meditation and relaxation exercises are helpful too. Journalising your thoughts will be a healthy way of letting go of your feelings. Art forms such as dance, painting, colouring can be cathartic.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I am in Class XII. My examinations are nearing. But I have lost interest in academics. I spend almost all my time reading my favourite Bengali novels. Sometimes, I decide to study properly with a strict schedule. But the thought of the novel collection distracts me and I begin reading them, wasting my valuable time. My parents and teachers have advised me to stop this habit but I can’t. Please help me.

You are at a point in life when you have to focus on your future. Also, in your teens it is very natural to have your own interests, ideas and choices. But it is important to prioritize your needs. All of us have different interests at each stage of our lives. Only when you prioritize your needs can you decide which one to focus on and act accordingly. You are able to identify your distractions but you are not able to act when directed by someone else. You have to be open to suggestions. Accept that parents and teachers are concerned about you. Do a cost-benefit analysis of your present actions and your future. Identify your distractions and what you would like to do. Elders can only guide you; it is you who must take responsibility for your actions and decide your future. You need not completely refrain from reading novels, but you can restrict the time spent on it. Do not keep the novels in your study area. Set targets to complete your lessons. Let reading novels be an incentive when you complete the work. Schedule your work and appreciate yourself when you complete work. You have control over yourself. Self-control and self-motivation can help you improve and do your best.

 

Picture Credit : Google

I worry about every small thing. I am always frightened. Even before speaking; I check a hundred times whether whatever I’m saying is correct or not. If a teacher scolds me a bit, I feel I have been terribly insulted and avoid going to her class. I am so frightened about being insulted. Please help.

Children and young people need the presence of loving and caring parents in order to feel safe and secure. If, for any reason, parents are not there, it is common to experience anxiety, fear and insecurity. In your letter, you do not write anything about your family; therefore it is not possible to understand the reason of your problems. You could share them with a good and understanding teacher or a family relation in order to get help.

 

Picture Credit : Google