My Science School

On entering Std XI, I have been least concerned about myself. I don’t try to study and get distracted by different thoughts especially of my former boyfriend. I have made a timetable for my studies but don’t follow it. I get into arguments with my parents. Sometimes I have thoughts of killing myself. I feel like I am a loser and can’t do anything. I completely wasted this session and the boards are coming up in April. My grades are going down and my performance in sports too. Sometimes I miss my boyfriend whom I left due to family pressure and talk to him even after promising my family not to do so. I am also confused about whether to carry on my relationship with him or end everything. I have started hating myself! Please help me.

It is shocking to read that at the tender age of 16 you “have started hating” yourself and are “least concerned about” yourself and get into arguments with your parents. You even have thoughts of killing yourself. You do not study and your grades are going down and feel that you are “a loser and can’t do anything”. Remember that your life is a precious gift from GOD, who loves you and is always ready to help you in moments of need. He has given you your parents and the possibility of getting a good education and building a good future. Awake from your negative approach to life and your irresponsible behaviour. Spend some time in prayer to God every day and share your problems with a good teacher or college counsellor who knows you and can give you proper guidance. Stop complaining and start living the beautiful gift of your life.

 

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My best friend and I had a fight 3 months ago. I really don’t know how to get back our friendship. I really miss him and want him back. I tried to talk to him but he ignores me and I feel very bad. I really do not know what is going on in his mind about me. Should I apologize to get him back or should I wait for him to come and apologize? Or should I ignore him and forget him forever?

You had a fight 3 months ago with your best friend and now you miss him and want him back because he ignores you. You should ask yourself why you had a fight with each other and who started the fight. If you were the first to insult him it is your duty to apologize and ask for forgiveness; if, on the contrary, it was him, who started it, tell him that you have forgiven him and want him again as your best friend. A good friendship is built on mutual respect, love and forgiveness.

 

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I am a student of standard XII and I am from a middle class family. My dad is an IT consultant, but due to the fall of IT my family is facing many financial problems. But still they go through everything with the determination to make me a doctor. They pay so much for my tuition expenses more than what they have. I want to be a doctor but my ambition seems like a dream which may not come true due to my lack of confidence. I have no will-power or self-control. I cut school just to watch Korean dramas. I lie to my parents that I am using the Internet to clarify my doubts but I secretly read books online or watch dramas. I know that what my parents are going through is much worse than anyone can think of. There are few more months left for the board exams and I am still unprepared. I am scared to face my NEET examination. I get distracted easily and I want to sleep a lot. I have the capacity to score well when I study but I do not concentrate. I badly want to become a doctor. My relatives and family are expecting me to enter MED on merit. I know I can never reach my goal if I keep doing this. I read your blog a lot; your advice helps me in many ways. I hope you can advice me on this.

You know that your “family is facing many financial problems” yet they pay so much for your “tuition expenses” because, out of love for you, they want you to become a doctor. You too “badly want to become a doctor” yet, a few months away from your board exams, you are “still unprepared”, “do not concentrate” and “want to sleep a lot”. Look at the faces of your parents, struggling to help you in spite of so many family problems and feel ashamed of telling lies to them, being lazy and neglecting your studies, though you know that you “have the capacity to score well when you study”. You are aware that you “can never reach your goal” if you “keep doing this”. If you continue like this you will waste your life and make your family suffer. If you work hard and become a doctor you will be able to help your family overcome their financial problems and make them happy. Don’t you love your parents? Don’t you want to help them? Don’t you feel ashamed? Don’t you fear God? Awake from your irresponsible behaviour and work hard to achieve your goal.

 

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I am 14 years old. I finish my studies before my father returns home office at night. But when he comes home, he always sees me watching TV. He scolds me, but I’m not able to make him understand that I have already studied. After returning from school I go for tuitions and then to play. After that I study and watch TV, and at that very time my father comes home! He tell me to study in the morning from 4 a.m., but I am not able to do so because of being tired the whole day. Please help me.

You write that you are busy everyday with tuitions and studies. Only after that you relax by watching TV. When your father comes home he sees you in front of the TV and thinks that you are wasting time and he colds you. The members of your family who see you studying should explain the situation to him. You can also ask your father to talk to your teachers in school and they will confirm your good performance in studies. This will make your father happy.

 

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I try my best to perform well in my exams but my parents think that I am useless and can’t do anything. I am not a dumb student. I have secured 78% in my exams. Due to my board class, my parents are not bringing my grandparents to our home but they really want to bring them and I also want that. So now there is more pressure on me. If I am unable to score more than 90% in my exams then it will create a huge problem and my family members will blame my parents only because in my city there is good medical facility comparing to other cities. Please help me. I am under a lot of pressure.

You have secured 78% in your exams; therefore you are not a “dumb student”. Your parents seem to have very big expectations about your future and are not satisfied; they expect more from you. Explain this situation to one of your teachers and ask your parents to talk to him or her, so that they can help them to appreciate your performance and have a more encouraging attitude towards you. Appreciation from the family will give you strength and will inspire you to give your best.

 

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My friend is in depression since a year or so. And she has been taking counseling sessions as well. Previously it was not that bad an issue but now it is getting worse. She constantly hurts herself, does not sleep for 1-2 days. And now she stays away from everybody. When she is in class she wants to sit alone. She dies not mind being with me. We are not in the same section so even if I want to sit with her, I cannot. But nowadays she does not even share her problems and when I ask she gets irritated. She is very good and sweet person. She loves helping people. She is active on social media and you can say she is a ‘social beauty’. She loves her mother a lot and in comparison to most girls she is very frank with her mother. But since a month ago, she is having some family issues and they are not that close right now. What can I do to help her?

It is sad to read that your friend in depression since one year. She needs expert psychological counseling and proper medical treatment. There is nothing you can do for her, except pray God that he may help her. Let her family deal with this problem.

 

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I am 17 years old. I have a huge crush on a guy who is about 6-7 years older than me. He is a family friend and I talk to him on Facebook. I have never met him in person but he seems to be a nice person. I am having difficulty in ending my feelings for him. I know these feelings would take me nowhere but only hurt me. I cannot talk about him to a family member because that would only add to my problems and talking to friends didn’t help at all. I am pretty sure he has no feelings for me. I want to end my feelings for him. Please help.

Your problem is about your “feelings” for a guy who is older than you, whom you never met in person and only talk to on Facebook. Feelings come and go many times in life, as they are based on attractions and emotions, not on experience and serious reflection. You write that “he seems to be a nice person” but you are not sure about that. Besides, you are “pretty sure” that he has no feelings for you. Stop living by emotions and attractions as they will take you in a wrong direction and may end up hurting you. Concentrate on your family relationships, your studies and good friends around you. Do not forget to pray God who gave you love and life.

 

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There’s a girl in my class who seems to love me a lot. She is constantly behind me. But I don’t see her as anything more than a friend. I just cannot get her off my back, no matter what! She just won’t listen to me and I don’t know what to do! How do I make her understand that I only consider her as a friend?

Looks like you are getting an overdose of unwanted attention and you find it quite annoying.

‘m not sure what you’ve told her and how, but be firm and keep saying: I’m not interested in a relationship with you’. Repeat the same sentence each time like a ‘broken record’. It may take a bit of time, but it should sink in!

In addition, I’m sure you know her best friend/s. you can speak to her and ask her to make her friend understand that you are not interested in the relationship.

Be firm. Else, learn to ignore her; it is just a matter of time before she gets bored!

 

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I perform well in studies but I am a failure in sports. My parents want me to join coaching classes, but I just can’t pick up these games! I can’t bear my parents comparing me with others, particularly my friends. I have seen how girls flock around my friends when they win a match, but nobody talks to me. I feel as if I’m good for nothing.

You’re feeling quite frustrated that you have to ‘conform’ to this ‘imaginary’ standard, especially to gain the approval of your parents and peers. Looks like you’re also feeling hurt and rejected and now see yourself as a ‘failure’.

Think about it…would you really like people to flock and sports. How about looking at both from a different angle and instead ‘enjoying’ whatever you do?

So, whether you take up sports, or music, or become a geek…it is your choice. When you like yourself for who you are without judging yourself and you enjoy what you do, you begin to exude more confidence and happiness…and this is what will attract others to you!

 

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I am 14-year-old boy and I have a younger brother. My problem is that even though I do so much to keep my parents happy, they do not appreciate me and instead, insult me in front of others, including my younger brother. I feel that they like my younger brother more than me.

I see that you feel very hurt when your parents insult you, especially in front of others. You feel unappreciated by them, especially when they compare you with your younger brother.

Looks like you go out of your way to make them like you, but it is not working. At this age, most parents expect certain things from children – discipline, focus on academics, being helpful at home, to name a few. So, a good thing to ask yourself is: “Is what I’m doing to make them happy the same as what they expect me to do?” you could make a list of these, or even ask your parents to tell you what they expect, and compare the list and see what you need to change in your actions. However, it also helps to remember that you can’t make someone simply like you by doing things.

So, at the same time, develop your personality in a positive way by focusing on a hobby, on forming supportive friendships and through prayer. If you are a happy and well-adjusted person, people will like you and you will also develop inner strength to face all situations.

 

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I’m in Class 8. My problem is that I love a boy from another school but I feel he will not love me because the girl whom he truly loved hurt him a lot. He is a very good boy and as friends we share everything. Now I feel like I’ll not be able to live without him. But I’m frightened of my mom. Please help me to come out of these feelings and concentrate on my studies.

You are struggling with your feelings for this boy who has had his heart broken by someone else. You are also afraid of your mother’s reaction to your feelings. At your age, it’s normal to feel very intensely about someone special. These feelings may either pass, or may get deeper as time goes by. Right now, a good thing would be to make friends in your own class and school.

You are soon going to be in Class 9, which is the first step to your future and your career. So, set a timetable, find a study-buddy and set some study goals (such as ‘I will clear my doubts after each chapter’, ‘I will increase my marks by 19 in the next exam’).

Also ensure that you exercise daily or participate in sports, and in other school activities. Develop any hobby or special talent you may have. Make sure you get into a routine, which balances study and relaxation. If you do this, I’m quite sure you – and your mum – will be quite happy!

 

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I am appearing for Class 12 exams, this year. But I’m not able to decide my career. I am disturbed. I don’t know which field I should go for. I have many hobbies – singing, dancing, acting, public speaking, reading, philanthropy. Sometimes I concentrate on singing, then somebody takes me for dance class and I forget singing and start concentrating on dance. The same thing happens with other hobbies, too. I am not able to decide what I like most.

I can see that you are feeling very confused and are unable to decide your path in life. Your focus seems to be on your hobbies. Hobbies are interests that we usually turn to for relaxation, and not as a career, unless you want to. To help you choose a career, find yours:

Interest and Passion: From all the things that you’re interested in, which are you passionate about? Make a list of the things that you love.

Talent and Aptitude: Then, find whether you’re talented at it or good at it…or whether you show the aptitude or potential for it. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 for each of the things on your list.

Personality: Does your personality match the career you have chosen? For example if you want to do Marketing, are you willing to go out and meet people? Or do you prefer to be behind a desk?

Research: Take the top three things that you love and that you are fairly good at them. Speak to people who work in the field, seek holiday internships, get as close to the field as possible. Search for courses available, the duration and cost.

Income: Find out how much you can earn from this field.

Skills: Now, choose the one on the top of your list and enroll for the course. Study and work experience will help you develop your talent and build up the skills you need so that you are job ready.

 

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I am a student of class 10. I keep getting the feeling that I am always being separated or excluded by my friends’ group; not by them but by some other people. I am never treated like one of them. What should I do? Should I live with this or should I not interact with them?

From what you have shared, it seems that there are some others people who do not count you as a member of your friends group and do not treat you equally. This makes you feel hurt and a bit isolated and you wonder whether you should continue to interact with those people.

If your friends treat you as part of the group, and you feel that you belong to that group, then the other people shouldn’t bother you. Ignore them. Instead, talk to your friends about how you feel. If they are your true friends, they will support you, stand by you and make you feel warm and welcome. If they don’t, then find a new set of friends who do.

While we can and do make adjustments because we love the people in our lives, if something is unpleasant and painful, you don’t have to ‘live with’ the situation. You have the full freedom to move on.

 

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I am in Std XI and in love with a boy from my previous school. We are in a relationship since five months. We don’t get a chance to meet often so after five months he proposed to a girl in his class and broke up with me. The girl rejected his proposal and he came back to me. And now we are again in relationship. But I’m confused as to whether he loves me or not or whether he will break on my heart again. Should I be with him or should I move on?

That boy gets easily infatuated with girls and proposes himself to some of them. He is immature and selfish. Now “he came back” to you and the relationship is going on. There is no guarantee that in future he may not repeat his mistakes. At this point you can continue this relationship at your own risk. Give him a good example of love and care and give him a chance. If he fails again, let him go and move on.

 

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My younger brother is 13 years old. Since the last 9-10 months he is addicted to playing video games on his cell phone and laptop. He is very moody and rude and whenever my parents take his phone away he doesn’t eat and misbehaves i.e. starts shouting and hitting his parents! He doesn’t concentrate or do any other work, be it studies, prayers or chores. His schedule is school, come home, sit with his phone and then sleep. My parents are having a lot of trouble lately and even I worry about him a lot. He is big enough to understand his priorities. How can I help him?

The responsibility of educating and correcting their children rests, first of all, on the parents. Your parents have probably made the mistake of giving your brother too much too soon: “his cell phone and laptop”. He became selfish, rude and violent: “hitting his own parents”. Obviously your parents and you are having a lot of trouble. At the age of 13 he is not “big enough” to know his duties and respect his family. I suggest at this point that your parents get the help of a psychologist for understanding the root cause of this problem and how to correct it. From your side, help him by giving a good example of respecting your parents and helping them.

 

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