I never had a friend who’s a guy

A few months ago, I developed a crush on a boy in my neighborhood, but never disclosed my feelings about him to anyone. We both knew each other, but never talked, and this used to make me sad, but I could never gather the courage to go up to him and talk to him. Recently, another neighbour of mine, a girl, told me that she thought that, that guy had a crush on me. I refused to trust her, but later I noticed his change of attitude towards me. One day, he just came up to me and talked to me. His friends told me that they felt that he liked me. Eventually, I realized that he liked me too. Now we meet regularly and even sit together when we meet. This sudden change is proving awkward to me, as I’ve never had a friend who’s guy before. Should I accept the fact that he wants to be a friend? Should I tell him that I like him or should I wait for him to say it first? And finally, can you help me get the guts to talk to him freely; as I mentioned before, he’s my crush and I get butterflies when I see him.



Having a crush on a boy is not the same thing as wanting to be a friend with him. A crush is an emotional and physical attraction towards a person of the opposite sex which sometimes can lead to wrong expressions. Friendship is a pure and free relationship which can help the growth of each other. Friendship need not to be told (“should I tell him that I like him?”) because it is felt by the care and affection involved. It is commonly said that the one who finds a good friend finds a treasure. This is true, because a good friendship can last a lifetime and be of great help. Overcome the “crush” experience and enter into the experience of love and affection of friendship.



 



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I need my privacy



I am a 14-year-old girl and I feel that I need my privacy. Whenever I chat with my friends on my phone, my mom wants to see those chats. I don’t want to show her my personal phone. Please help.



At the age of 14 you already have a personal phone which has been donated to you by your parents, trusting that you will use it properly. Your parents are a gift of God to you and they love and care for you. It is their sacred duty to protect you and ensure that, due to lack of experience, you will not fall into dangers or wrong relationships. I suggest that you introduce all your friends to your parents so that they know with whom you are spending your time. Remember also that it is your duty to obey your mother, therefore do what she tells you to do.



 



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I don’t have the courage to tell my parents about my love



My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for the past one year. We both really love each other and now want to tell our parents about it. He has to go to Nainital urgently so he promised to tell his parents when he returns. But I don’t have enough courage to tell my parents about my love. I want them to know all this but I’m not able to tell them. I have tried many times but after sometime I change the topic. How can I tell my parents about this?



In Indian culture, love relationships which lead to marriage are not considered good and right. As you “don’t have enough courage” to tell your parents about your love it is better to wait in order to understand your real feelings towards each other. Only if and when both of you are ready to face the consequences of your love you can talk to your parents and plan the future.



 



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Too shy to talk to each other



I am 14 and I love a boy in my tuition class. He loves me too but we both are too shy to even talk to each other. We used to be really good friends but when we confessed our love to each other our friendship also lessened. What should I do?



At the age of 14 the “love” you felt for each other is the love of friendship: a joyful and free gift of self that helps your growth in relationships. This is one of the most beautiful experiences in human life and you should not feel shy to talk to each other. In the years to come you will experience other forms of love which will require knowledge and experience which now you do not have. Go on expressing friendship with care and affection not only each other but also towards other young people of your age around you.



 



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He walked out of my life



After five years of relationship, my boyfriend walked out of my life and asked me to move on. He said I was immature and that he had begun falling for his best friend! It’s too hard for me to accept this and I don’t know how to move on. Please help.



You began a relationship with a boy at the tender age of 12 when you did not have any experience of such relationships. Now you are 17 and struggling to understand why your boyfriend walked out of your life. You do not mention the age of your boyfriend nor the reasons why he said you were “immature”. You have to introspect and try to find out what went wrong in the future. Learning from past mistakes will help you to move on successfully with your life.



 



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Now I feel very guilty



I became friends on Facebook with a boy who is 17. At first, I told him for fun that I was 16 and thought that I would tell him the truth later. But as the days passes he became a very good friend and it became more and more difficult to tell him. Without me realizing it, I feel in love with him. One day he confessed that he loved me and I was so happy that I forgot everything and accepted his confession without thinking anything, now I feel very guilty. I have decided that after passing my tenth standard I will meet him and tell him everything then. I always feel that I must tell him the truth but I fear that he will hate me after knowing the truth. But then too I have a very uneasy feeling and feel that I must tell him everything as soon as possible. I am really confused. I love him a lot and don’t want him to hate me. I think I have just two options – and that is to tell him everything now or when we meet.



You have started a relationship through Facebook with a boy who says he is 17. You told him for “fun” that you were 16 (2 years older than your real age). In a matter of a few days he became for you “a very good friend” and later you “fell in love with him”. Subsequently he confessed that he loved you too, believing that you were close to his age. Now you “feel very guilty” for having told a lie and not having the courage to correct the mistake as soon as possible. Do not wait to tell the truth; you cannot build a relationship on lies. Let him know your age and decide if he wants to continue corresponding with you. He too may end up confessing that he is not 17 but just 15! That would be real fun for both if you! Relationships built on personal knowledge of each other are better than those built by correspondence which can lead to lies or misunderstandings. If you cannot be good friend with someone who is of your age and close to you, how can you do that with someone whom you do not know at all? There are dangers in social networking.



 



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I get infatuated very easily



I get infatuated towards smart boys very easily but I have never told any guy that I like him. But there is a friend of my brother whom I see every day and that’s the reason I like him a lot. Due to this infatuation problem I am unable to focus on my studies. What should I do?



At the age of 14 you have rightly used the word ‘infatuation’ to describe your emotional response to “smart boys” and you have avoided the mistake of telling them about your feelings. Infatuation is a sudden attraction towards people of the opposite sex which makes it difficult to concentrate on studies and other family duties. This attraction quickly comes and goes towards different boys. It has nothing to do with real love, which is a deep commitment of fidelity between adult people. Now there is a friend of your brother whom you “see every day” and you started liking “him a lot”. You are also getting infatuated with him and emotionally disturbed as you see him often. If your brother understands the situation he will be very displeased with you for getting involved with one of his friends and may complain to your parents. This could cause an unpleasant situation in your family.



 



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My friends insist that I propose to her



I am a 14-year-old boy. I love a girl but I am afraid to propose to her because I think that it will spoil over friendship. But my friends insist that I propose to her, I am confused. What should I do?



Do not listen to your friends who want you to propose your “love” to that girl. They may just want to see what will happen and make fun of you. You had better follow your feelings that any such proposal may “spoil” your friendship with her. You are only 14 and need not run to make proposals every time you get emotionally upset. In this moment, a good friendship with that girl is more than enough.



 



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My parents are putting immense pressure on me



I’m feeling highly distressed due to the immense pressure my parents are putting on me. They have unrealistic goals for me and want me to excel in all fields including academics. They compare me with other children in our colony, neglect my personal desires and are always dissatisfied with me regardless of my efforts. I want to shift to a hostel because of the repeated fights at my home. I can hardly talk to anyone. Please help.



I feel sorry to read that at the tender age of 13 your parents are putting heavy pressure on you and want you. You should explain this situation to some good family member or school counsellor who can help them to understand your present situation and start encouraging and appreciating you. Teenagers need to feel loved and appreciated in order to grow into mature human beings. Continue doing your best in studies and in your family life. Pray to God and He will also help you.



 



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I like making new friends



I’m studying in Std. XI (Science). I had a lot of friends and was also popular in my friends’ circle. But recently I feel like I have lost them even though I’m in regular contact with them. I like making new friends but I’m a little shy and I don’t have the guts to start a conversation with someone. Please help.



There is a saying: “If you want a friend, be a friend”. You had a lot of friends in the past and were popular with them; therefore you know how to make friends. What you did in the past you can do again in the new situation. If you want love and affection, start by giving them to your new classmates. If you want people to smile at you, start by smiling at others. You have to decide whether to be happy in the new situation or to be lonely. The choice is yours; get up and start smiling and talking with those around you; you will be surprised by their happy response.



 



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My friends are always teasing me


A boy in my tuition class has a crush on me. My friends are always teasing me with his name and making ‘wedding plans’. They say that I like him and that it’s written on my face. After this, that boy is always staring at me in class. How do I get out of this situation?



Your friends are having fun by teasing you about the crush a boy in your tuition class has on you. In the teen age, it is common to get infatuated with a person of the opposite sex. He has this problem now, not you. Let your friends say what they want; they will get fed up of teasing you. As you are not infatuated with him and can say that to him. Request him to stop staring at you. If the situation does not improve you can inform your parents who will talk with him.



 



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I follow what he tells me to do



I’m a 20-year-old girl doing B.Tech. for the past one year I have been in a relationship with Saksham but it feels like I am trapped. I can’t let go of him for any reason. Every time he says he wants to break up I start crying. Before him there was Arun whom I loved very much, but I broke up with him because of Saksham. But I think I still have feelings for him. I can’t get over him no matter how much I try. Saksham totally disrespects me but I can’t do anything. I just follow what he tells me to do. He uses bad language with me and slaps me, but I just can’t let go. Due to this my academics are getting affected. Please help.



Though you are an intelligent person doing B.Tech., you are affected by a deep sense of insecurity in life and have surrendered yourself completely to the will of a man who does not respect you, insults you and physically abuses you. You have lost your self-respect and dignity and are unable to decide by yourself what to do in life. You are like a slave in the hands of your master. In your letter you do not give any information about your family background and upbringing; the origin of your problems may be there. Remember that you are a child of God, created by Him to be free and responsible for your life. Take your life into your hands and seek advice from a good family member whom you trust or a professional counsellor.



 



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I feel shy and nervous



I feel shy and nervous to walk through when boys are standing in a group on the way. As I am overweight, I feel shy to participate in any function in school. I hate going out, especially alone, because whatever outfit I wear never suits me. This is why I feel awkward to communicate with others. I always have the feeling that people will make fun of me because I am obese.



I can see that you feel very embarrassed and extremely conscious that you are overweight and hold yourself back from doing many things that you enjoy.



It would be good to visit a doctor to find the cause for your excess weight. If there is no medical cause, you can seek guidance about a diet and exercise routine from the doctor or a nutritionist.



It is important to love and accept yourself if you want others to love and accept you. So, highlight the positive aspects of both your personality and your body. For example, you may have wonderful eyes, and with a little kajal you can highlight their beauty. Work on developing a kind and friendly attitude. Wear a smile and greet others.



Develop your sense of style. Ask a trusted friend to help you choose outfits and accessories that suit you. Today, Plus Sizes have their own flattering fashion styles! Build your confidence and your shyness will disappear slowly. Remember, only you can bring out the best in you!



 



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I refuse to take “no” for an answer



I am in love with a girl who is in her mid-teens. For years i have been following her and have twice declared my love for her. But she says she does not love me, nor does she even want to be my friend. I refuse to take “no” for an answer and insist that she will eventually say “yes”. I cannot concentrate on my studies and my results have started deteriorating. I love her and cannot live without her.



You feel very intensely about this girl to the extent that you seem to be obsessed with her and are losing control over yourself. I do empathize with the tormented feelings that you have.



I am not sure what you mean by ‘following her’, but if it involves tracking her in person or on social media, it amounts to stalking and it is a punishable offence.



Your words ‘refuse’ to take ‘no’ and ‘insist’ that she will say ‘yes’ shows that you want her to respond to you in the way that you want. This girl, like you, is an individual with her own thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires. You cannot force her to feel what she does not, or get her to reciprocate simple because your pride is hurt because she has said ‘No’. a ‘No’ does not mean ‘Yes’ in the long run. A ‘No’ means ‘No’. She is not interested. You don’t seem to really respect her wishes, and that in itself shows that it is not love. If you do have even the smallest feeling for this girl, you will respect this boundary and wish her happiness.



A relationship is a loving, mutual bond between two people. True love is about respecting another, about wanting the other person’s happiness above your own, about being selfless and not expecting anything in return. Tough, but true.



So, if you want a great relationship with a lady, make yourself attractive by being mature, selfless, giving and king. You will learn then attract someone who resonates with you.



 



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I am not able to concentrate on my studies



I perform well in studies but i am not able to concentrate on my studies. I have many hobbies such as dancing, painting, sketching, singing, etc. My parents want me to focus on one thing instead of giving time to my hobbies. Please help me to focus on one thing.



It is great to have hobbies along with your studies. However, your parents are right, the time is soon coming for you to focus on the most critical four years of your life – classes 9 to 12.



So, pick any one hobby to seriously pursue along with your studies. For this, you can join a hobby class if possible. As for the rest, don’t give them up..just use them as a means of relaxation between your study sessions.



One of the best ways is to focus on learning for at least two to three 25-minute sessions every day, with a five-minute break in between. In those 25-minute give all your attention to learning and reward yourself at the end of the session by spending time on a hobby, for example, sketching between two study sessions. If you do this, your hobbies will become your friends instead of distracting you from what you truly need to do.



 



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