My Science School

 

I have just completed my graduation and hope to join my father’s business, alongside doing a masters’ course by correspondence. However, there is one thing about myself that totally shatters my confidence. I am troubled by my ugliness. I am hopelessly ugly. I have taken after my father’s family, so I am short and dark, with terrible features. When I look at my friends, I feel very jealous of them. I also feel angry with my parents for having given me such awful features. I fear that I will never get a good life partner because I am so ugly.

In this world, we have both good and not-so-good looking individuals and not much can be done to alter their basic appearance. Yet, there are parlours and salons that help you learn how to dress better and look smarter. I am sure that if you attend such a course for a few days you would feel more confident about your appearance. However, inner beauty, confidence and a fine character can make up for your uncomplimentary looks. Instead of thinking of your looks, try to think about your best qualities, character and achievements. Always think positive. If you start liking yourself for what you have, I am sure many of your difficulties will disappear and you will be able to achieve your goals.

 

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I am becoming very foul mouthed. Though I don’t intend to hurt people, I do end up annoying them. My friends have started avoiding me. I even shocked my mother the other day by abusing her. How do I control my habit?

Control is in your hands. Remember it is your mind and you alone are responsible for your actions. If you decide not to abuse anyone, you will not. Whenever you get the urge to abuse, count backwards from 10 to 1 and then react to the situation. This small interval when you count from 10 to 1 will give you ample time to re-word your response and reaction.

Remember the time when you never used to be foul mouthed. That means you can still continue to talk to people without being abusive.

 

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Whenever I go to a party with friends, I come home and cook up a story. But my parents don’t believe a word of it. Now, my brother tells the same tales, they believe him. This infuriates me. Why do they believe the tales of one son and not the other? I feel very small when they treat me like this.

Remember you will gain respect and regard when you speak the truth with others whether they are your parents, friends or relatives. Truth always makes others feel good about you. Going for parties is not wrong but going for them without your parents’ consent and later lying to them not just makes you feel bad but also makes you think they are not on your side or appreciating you. With regard to your parents, you can always directly ask them why they believe your brother and not you. Their reply will enlighten you regarding their behavior.

 

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I get bullied very easily. Nowadays, I have stopped talking to a good friend of mine because of pressure from another friend. I am feeling very bad about cutting off from this good friend. But if I start talking to her, my other friend will be very upset. How do I keep both the friends happy at the same time? I do not want to antagonize either of the two.

You are highly susceptible and don’t have confidence in your own decisions. This tendency to cling to someone to get his or her favor is an indication of lack of confidence. In this case that you have cried, all you have to do is start talking with your friend even if the first friend gets a little disappointed. That is, if you want to talk to her, do so. When you do things you want and what you think is right, others will begin to respect you for the same. But if you succumb to pressure from others to do things their way you will never be happy within. You can keep both your friends happy by beginning to talk with your friend and bringing her over to the other friend also. All three of you, I am sure, have lots in common, which you can share.

 

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I am a student of class IX. My problem is shyness. I am not able to give an answer even if I know it. I also suffer from stage fright. I am not bold and courageous. My father insists that I participate in competitions. I feel that I will not be able to speak on the stage. Please help me. I feel miserable that I will not succeed in life if I do not overcome my shyness.

Since you are aware that you are shy and have stage fright, you should also understand that this shyness would disappear if you have confidence in yourself. The fear that may fail when you are on the stage makes you afraid of the stage. Similarly the fear that you may not come up to others’ expectations and the anxiety that others would think negatively of you makes you shy. This can be overcome if you start thinking positively and take up such tasks, which you can complete successfully. If someone gives you work, complete it as well as you can and take pride in what you have achieved. Even complex tasks can be successfully accomplished if you spend time thinking how best you can complete it. Think of the different ways in which you can solve the problem and choose the best out of them. This way you will gain confidence in yourself and the fear of having to bear criticism will also disappear. You can thus overcome your shyness. In addition you can do breathing exercises for about three or four minutes just before you take up a task or just before going on stage for some programme.

 

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This saying is surely based on the scientific facts. In the morning our basal metabolism is at its peak and so are our requirements. As the day progresses the requirements decline and by the night our requirements reach the lowest ebb with decrease in the physical activities. Things eaten in abundance at this fag end of the day won’t be utilised fully, leading to a sensation of bloating of tummy. Or else it would get deposited as fat, leading to obesity. Therefore never leave for school/college without having breakfast.

 

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My exams are three months away and I am already too bored of studies. I just don’t feel like picking up books now. At the rate I am going, I feel I will develop antipathy to anything that is related to academics.

Anything overdone brings this kind of reaction. Don’t study all the time take a break after two or three hours of continuous reading.

Go for a cup of tea or a glass of juice, an ice cream or whatever you like. Get back to your studies after a 20-30 minutes break, restart. You will feel good and not bored. After studying throughout the day go for jogging or brisk walk, talk to friends, joke around. Plan your studies systematically.

Clear your doubts the moment they arise and then proceed to the next, higher level. Do assignments and questions in an organised manner.

 

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My mother is too religious. Her religiosity is only increasing by the day. It’s fine as long as she does not impose it on others. But lately she has started imposing her faith on us, too. I don’t want to hurt her religious feelings but end up saying something against her finicky ways about pooja-paath. This makes her furious and she says that I will suffer for the bad words I say about religion. I do not know how to make her see reason. Can you?

Religiosity is something which is deeply set within a person, and in some cases it borders on fanaticism. One method, which usually works in such cases is not to attack the religiosity of your mother but to sway along with it to the extent possible without using any harsh words about religion.

Another way is not to do all those religious rituals if you don’t believe in them. You can be away from home so that you avoid saying anything bad. The third way to handle this problem is to frankly tell your feelings to your mother in an affectionate manner so that you are not against anything religious. But everything has to be done within a limit.

Find out objectively and factually what your mother expects. See if it can be managed without making you feel uncomfortable. Analyse why you don’t to do what she wants you to do. Is it because it is time-consuming or is there any other reason for it. Find out if you can put your views across to her without making her upset.

If you do things in a systematic manner, I am sure your mother will not impose anything on you. Have faith in yourself and in your mother and look at things factually, objectively and not emotionally.

 

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I have a good height and figure, and I have always wanted to be a model. But my parents are strictly against it. We have discussed this many times. They have said it clearly that I will have to leave them if I insist on this career choice. I love them, yet I cannot give up my passion. What do I do?

As you love your parents, you must also realise that your parents too love you. If you sit down and talk it over with them, you will know their fears and apprehensions. This way you will know if you can assure them about how you will ward off problems, which according to your parents, you might face. Once this is done, I am sure your parents will agree to your chosen profession. It is up to you to talk to them and to help them understand how you can take care of yourself, and in this way allay their fears.

 

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I think my parents are heading for a divorce. They don’t seem to be in love. They are always fighting, talking ill of each other to relatives and friends. I am facing immense emotional trauma and am unable to study or do anything. Most of the times I hate coming back home

Your emotional trauma is understandable. One way to tackle this is to talk it over with either of your parents, who is closer to you and with whom you fee comfortable. You can put across to either of them your fears and apprehensions and your inability to concentrate on your studies due to their quarrels. Since your parents would be concerned about your performance in examinations, if you request them to postpone arguing until you complete your examinations, they may agree to do so. This itself will give them time to contemplate about the issues on which they seem to have considerable conflict. And this may perhaps make them consider postponing separation.

In our life there are many things that happen which we don’t want. But when it does happen, it is important to face it with courage and to try see how one can achieve one’s goals without being affected by events and happenings. In your case you fear that the conflict between your parents may end in divorce. It may not necessarily end so, because many people do have conflicts and arguments but stay on as they do not want to break the family and like to stay together for the sake of their children.

 

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I am an 18-years-old college student. My problem is that my friends go out for parties and spend a lot of money in eating out in restaurants etc, whereas my parents do not give me enough pocket money for freaking out. I am frustrated because I am unable to do what my friends do. I know that we are not rich and I cannot spend like my friends, but I feel bad that the good years of my life are being wasted because of constraints. Please help me.

I can understand your feelings. I also find that you are very perceptive and understanding of your dilemma. Having secured admission in a good college for higher education, you should feel proud of your achievements. I am sure you are also aware how crucial the next few years will be in building your future.

Try to look at the positive things of life. Never allow yourself to feel inferior to your friends just because you are unable to spend like them. Imagine if you do well and become a successful manager, an IT professional, an IAS officer or any dream designation that you aspire for, how much your friends would admire your achievements. Once you set a goal for yourself you will also be able to divert your mind from the artificial pleasures of your friends.

Hence, to get over these disappointments, the best thing you can do is to think positively, set a goal for yourself, work towards the goal systematically and find happiness in spending time with your parents, sister or brother and others and those who think high and have a clear goal for themselves.

 

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If your daughter is good in all other aspects related to academics, she just needs practice to write neatly. As for drawing or colouring, as long as she is able to do these tasks as required for science, drawing etc., don’t worry. However, if there is any special difficulty, you may have to consult the school psychologist or the counsellor.

 

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Can you provide us tips for higher retention of what we study for exams? Can a student remember what he/she learnt in November/ December, in the month of March? Is there a way by which he would not forget the formulae?

Definitely a person can remember in the month of March, what he or she learnt in Nov/Dec (that is three or four months earlier). It depends on how well one has understood the concept and the text.

To remember what one has learnt, the only way is to understand clearly what one has studied.

As for remembering a formula etc., apart from understanding the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of it , one must also do the following:

• Learn the formula first. Look for some cue numbers, signs or words that you can easily associate it with.


• Then try to recall it without seeing the text.


• Check for any errors in recalling. Try to correct the errors and once again recall the formula.


• Write the formula without seeing the text, after a gap.


• Repeat this exercise again and again.


• Thus, whatever you have memorized will remain intact in your memory.

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As my board exams are approaching I am becoming paranoid about them. My mind is clogged because of anxiety and I can’t concentrate on studies. Please help me tackle this problem.

It is natural to be anxious about the forthcoming board examinations. The anxiety is mainly due to the fear of not coming up to a certain standard that you and/or your parents have set for you. If you are anxious you will find that your efficiency is not as high as it ought to be because anxiety itself drains out your energy. Also, anxiety confuses you and reduces your concentration level.

The first thing that you have to do is to reduce the anxiety. This you can do by relaxation exercises. Close your eyes and take a comfortable sitting or lying position. Loosen anything that you feel is tight. Stretch yourself into a relaxed state. Keep your body loose and light, and relax all your limbs from head to toes. Take a long deep breath. Inhale and exhale slowly and completely and feel the oxygen going into your brain. Concentrate on breathing, as you breathe in and breathe out. Do this correct breathing in and breathing out technique about five times a day. This won’t take you more than five to 10 minutes. This will relax you considerably.

Remember, your mind is yours and you alone can have control over it. It is entirely in your hands, whether you concentrate or not. If you remember this and do the relaxation exercises as well as deep breathing, I am sure you will be able to concentrate and your anxiety will reduce considerably.

 

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This is an age in which rebellion is common, especially against authoritative figures. Also try to understand the pressure your daughter must be facing, which might perhaps be ten times more than what you might be facing.

At this time, she needs your understanding, support and encouragement. When children don’t get encouragement they generally resort to rebellion. The best way to handle this problem is not to pressurize her to study all this time, depriving her of watching TV or talking on the phone with her friend. Do not keep a tab on her – whether she is studying or doing something else. Make the atmosphere at home as pleasant as you can, so that she also feel relaxed. Find out from her what are her problems with regard to her studies, coaching classes etc. Listen to her problems with an open mind, without criticizing her. Try to genuinely understand and solve her difficulties.

Remember she is also going through a lot of tension and needs a lot of understanding and support from you.

 

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