The art of listening



I have heard that listening is very important in communication. How can I improve my listening skills?



Listening is the first step in good communication. Speaking is the second step. According to me there are three kinds of listening. I would like to call these as three dimensions of listening.



First, there is factual dimension. At this level language is merely a statement of fact. For example, when someone informs us that it rained last weekend or that a company has increased its profits by 10 percent, we listen to statements of facts. Listening to such facts does not require much subtlety; anyone with a certain amount of attention can do that.



The second dimension of language is the intention. At this level one has to listen to more subtle intent behind what a speaker says. When a boss tells a subordinate, “I appreciate your coming to the office on time today,” she is conveying a different message from what the mere words would communicate. The subordinate who listens well reads the message as, “I do not appreciate your coming late to the office every other day”. Intentional listening requires greater attention and energy on the part of the listener.



The third and the most subtle dimension of language is the transformational dimension. Language has a certain alchemy that can transform the heart and mind of the listener. This transformation comes about in the listener through a process known as empathy. When listening is very deep, the listener is in touch with the spirit behind the speaker’s words. He listens with his heart behind his ears. The focus of the listener is not merely on the words or the intention behind them but on the raw energy of the words.  



This last kind of listening is the most effective. Try it!



 



Picture Credit : Google


My voice is very low and shaky. I find it very difficult to talk in public. Please let me know how I should train my voice.



Your voice is a very important tool of communication. The tone, the volume and the pinch off your voice communicate a lot more than your words. A baby attracts much more attention by crying aloud ‘Wah’. The baby’s power of ‘wahs!’ is greater than an adult’s power of words.



Your voice conveys a lot when it is deep and deliberate. By the force of our habits and social conditioning we begin to believe that we can speak in only one type of voice. As a matter of fact you can vary your tone and voice-type with a little practice. In the privacy of your study you can deliberately change your voice by imagining you are a different person. Movie actors often practice speaking in different voices. Here is a voice-enhancing exercise prescribed by my teacher Justin Cohen that will help you develop your voice:




  1. Sit in a relaxed upright position or lie down

  2. Breathe deeply and slowly. While breathing in, your abdomen should expand. As you breathe out, it should contract. Your chest and shoulders should remain still.

  3. Now, each time you inhale, allow the air to slightly vibrate your vocal chords so that they let out a soft deep sound like-Ahh!

  4. While remaining relaxed, push the air out a little harder allowing the sound to grow louder and longer.

  5. Now close your mouth and feel the air vibrate against your lips in a humming sound. If you are relaxed enough, your lips will tingle.

  6. Finally, open your mouth and let the voice out with a little more volume. You can notice your body vibrating faintly like a washing machine.



Picture Credit : Google